Worlds Apart
by Jaelle17
Summary: Sequel to Worlds Collide. COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I disclaim all ownership of anything having to do with Velgarth, Valdemar, etc., by Mercedes Lackey, and am only doing this for fun as set out in the official disclaimer located at www (dot) dragonlordsnet (dot) com (forward slash) mlrelease (dot) htm Note: I've been wanting to revisit Jaelle for a while. I had so much fun writing Worlds Collide. Again, feel free to read and review. Or not. At this moment, I have absolutely NO idea how long this will be or when I might finish it. Actually, everything is a big, blank canvas right now. Fun!

**Worlds Apart**

Chapter One

"Mama," Lucia called up the stairs, "a pair of Heralds are coming!"

I straightened from where I'd been bending over a bed in an attempt to smooth the newly-washed spread, and stuck my head outside the door. "I'll be right down!"

Heralds were common enough this close to Haven, and more than welcome. I was grateful for the percentage back on my taxes that I received for the Heralds that stayed under my roof. This year had been exceptionally busy, and I expected that I wouldn't have to pay anything for taxes come spring.

I did miss Berrybay, however. But after that snowstorm had nearly destroyed my inn/orphanage, Treven had insisted I move closer to Haven. I knew he was right. Northern Valdemar was not the most hospitable place weather-wise, and Treven rarely got circuits up there. Furthermore, Lucia needed more intense training for her Gifts. But weather, business, and duty aside, I just _missed _my husband. Not seeing him for months on end—and me not being Gifted with Mindspeech—well, I sold what was left of the inn to a prospector, took all that I had saved up, along with the children, and purchased an old, three-storied house on the outskirts of Wellsmeet, a village just north of Haven, and started over.

And so, here I was, three years later: a wife, mother, and Innmaster, expecting the birth of my and Treven's first child late next spring. It had been five years since I'd come to live in Valdemar permanently, and I still wasn't sure if I'd completely adjusted. When I was doing mission work in Romania, all the books said it took two years of living in a foreign culture to fully adjust to it. Unfortunately, there were no books written about adjusting to the culture of a fictitious world. Just when I thought I'd made it, I'd smell something or hear something that would remind me of home—obviously, I haven't adjusted if I still refer to America as "home"—and I'd feel a pang of homesickness so sharp it nearly sent me to my knees.

The last time that had happened, however, had been over a year ago, and the "homesickness" I now tended to feel since I was near Haven was for the Valdemar I had originally lived in. I missed "my" Selenay and Elspeth and Talia. But mostly, I missed Landon. Berrybay rarely entertained Heralds and Companions, and "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" was just as true in Valdemar as it was in America. But Wellsmeet was so close to Haven that I saw several each month, and the sight of a glowing white horse always brought the image of Landon (and a certain mistiness) to my eyes.

It wasn't going to get any better, either. With me being pregnant, Treven wanted me to move into his suites at the Collegium, and the Healers had been hinting at enrolling Lucia as a full student. Moving into the Collegium didn't bother me so much, but I wasn't sure about committing Lucia to full-time work. She was only nine, still a child, and while her Gifts were active, she still had the intellect and emotional maturity of a nine-year-old. There was no way she could handle the workload of a full-time student—nor should she be forced to. Treven agreed with me, and we decided that when I moved to Haven, Lucia would have classes in weaponswork and Gifts, but that she would not be enrolled to take the academic classes until she was at least twelve.

The bedcover smooth, I joyfully headed downstairs to greet our guests. Treven was himself out on circuit, and I expected him back within the week, according to his last letter. If these Heralds were fresh from Haven, they might know something more recent of Treven.

The common room was nearly full, as it tended to be in the evenings. I wove my way through the villagers with a smile and the occasional greeting or acknowledgment of a comment. I would normally spend more time amongst them, but there were Heralds waiting, and even the newest villager knew that Heralds took precedence over everyone else...at least, to a wise Innmaster.

I glanced out the window and saw the pair approaching, and opened the door just as they began to dismount. It was a good thing they weren't looking at me, because I felt as though I'd just been hit with a board, and all the blood in my face rushed to my feet.

"Oh, my—" I breathed, staring at them.

Kris and Talia.

I hadn't seen either of them since Before (as I had taken to calling the time when I was in the "other" Valdemar), and while Kris looked relatively the same, Talia seemed so different. She was much younger, of course, than I remembered her, but she certainly didn't carry an air of youth about her. I did a quick mental calculation and, seeing the chirras behind the Companions, realized that they were just setting out on Talia's internship.

_Oh, no._

I sighed softly, remembering the information from the books. It was no wonder, then, that she looked so...harried, her face almost pinched. Her Gift was breaking down, and all my knowledge about the situation was of no value. You couldn't book learn yourself out of something like that.

She settled her expression as she turned to me, and I put on my own smile, and stepped forward to greet them.

"Welcome, both of you," I said.

Kris smiled at me. "We're Heralds Kris and Talia, and we'd like to put up here for the night if you have room."

"I do," I replied, "and I'd be delighted to have you stay." I glanced over my shoulder towards the front window of the inn. "Not to mention half of Wellsmeet." I smiled apologetically. They would get little privacy here, and they looked tired. "But let's get you settled," I said, stepping towards them. "Allow me to show you to the stables. Your Companions will be pleased to know that we serve them only the best feed and hay."

Tantris whickered, and Kris chuckled a bit. "He says to tell you that he's been looking forward to it all day."

I laughed and led the way to the stables. We settled the Companions into their stalls first, and then Kris and Talia spoke a few words to the stable hands about the chirras. I took advantage of the moment and moved across the stables to where the Companion stalls were located. Tantris was already helping himself to some hay, but Rolan was just standing there, looking at me.

It was an eerie moment, and I felt my heart suddenly pounding. The last time I'd seen him was in the field outside of Berrybay, watching him canter out of sight on his way to Choose Talia. As far as I knew, only he and Althea, Treven's Companion, knew who I really was.

"Hello, Rolan," I whispered.

:_Jaelle_: he replied. :_It is good to see you again._:

"And you." I scuffed at the packed dirt with the toe of my left shoe. "I don't really know what to say."

:_Last I heard, you wanted to kill me_: he said.

For a fleeting moment, I thought he was serious, until I caught the teasing gleam in his eye. A memory rose in my thoughts of a wintry night in Berrybay and a Herald I never thought I'd see again.

"Thank you," I said quietly, not doubting that he would know what I meant.

He merely inclined his head to me in response as Kris and Talia came over.

"Take your time," I said to them. "There's plenty of food left. I'll see you in a bit."

I made my way back to the inn and headed to the second floor to set aside a couple of rooms for them. I found an adjoining pair that I thought would suit them. They were small, but had just been cleaned that afternoon, and both had windows that overlooked the stables. I set out some bathhouse supplies on each of their beds, and by the time I had finished and returned downstairs, Kris and Talia were just coming into the inn.

I rushed over to them, intercepting them before the villagers were able to smother them.

"Let me show you to your rooms," I said, ushering them upstairs at a pace that set some eyebrows to rising. "I'm sorry for dragging you," I told them, "but if they'd gotten a hold of you, you'd never have gotten away for hours, and I'm sure you'd rather clean up a bit before eating."

"We would," Kris replied, "thank you."

I showed them to their rooms. "I also posted a guard of sorts at the bathhouse," I said, "so that no one else can get in there until after you're done."

Talia smiled at me in genuine thanks, and, returning it, I left them alone, and went back downstairs to see to the kitchen needs. My thoughts, however, were far from the food supply.

_Poor Talia. It's only going to get worse from here._

She and Kris descended a while later, and it looked as though she must have strengthened her shields, for the pinched look was gone, and she seemed a little more relaxed. They found seats at a table near the fire, and in the midst of my moving about, I couldn't help but notice that they had precious little time to eat.

But finally, they did get some peace in which to eat, and while Kris tuned Talia's harp—the famed My Lady—I edged closer to them to eavesdrop on what Talia was saying to the children, most of whom were orphans who lived here. Actually, it was only on account of one child, Jaren, a boy I'd brought with me from Berrybay. He was eleven now, and had a maturity far above his tender years, and an uncanny ability to grasp concepts that should have lay beyond his reach. I could—and frequently did—leave him in charge of the other children when I had to be away. Something in my heart told me that he was destined to be Chosen. I never said anything about it, as I couldn't be certain, and Lucia was still struggling with her recent understanding that she would probably not be Chosen because of her Healing Gift. From the attention Talia was paying Jaren, however, I suspected that I was probably right.

Kris played My Lady for quite awhile, to the great delight of all the villagers. Eventually, Talia joined in, accompanying the music with her voice. It was the first time I'd heard her sing, and her voice really was as pretty as the books claimed. I could only wish that her next eighteen months would be a lighthearted as her song was.

The villagers could have listened to the Heralds play and sing all night. So could I, for that matter, but when I saw Talia swallow a yawn in the middle of a song, I stepped into the center of the room as soon as it ended.

"All right, ladies and lords," I said, "we've tired these good Heralds out long enough." I caught Kris' grin, and turned to him and Talia. "You two, off to bed! I'm sure you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow, and I won't have it said that I was responsible for a Herald falling out of the saddle from lack of sleep!"

Kris and Talia both laughed, and there was friendly assent from the villagers as well, most of whom started calling good-humored farewells to the Heralds as they made their way upstairs. It would be a few more hours before the inn would be cleared of the villagers, and I knew I would be exhausted by then, but I determined to have a word with Rolan regardless of own state of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for all the reviews! To answer some of the questions:

Byrd: The world is now the normal canon timeline, and the story begins at the same time as the start of Talia's internship. Unfortunately, there's no going back to the AU of Worlds Collide.

Triaxx2: no, it's not a retelling of the stories. It's its own story, but since I left Jaelle as an innkeeper at the end of WC, and wanted to move her to Haven for WA, I thought it would be fun if she should just "happen" to be the Innmaster mentioned at the start of Kris and Talia's journey in Arrow's Flight (never mind that the Innmaster in the book is a man). I don't anticipate that either of them will figure into the story after this point.

ShianeCollins: now what fun would it be if I told you what was going to happen :-)

Anasazi: I hope you and your family are okay! Were you in the direct path of Katrina?

Nest: Thank you. I really appreciate your comments about Jodhin, and I'm glad you liked it. I've got a couple more pieces out with magazine publishers, and I hope to hear back from them soon.

**Worlds Apart**

Chapter Two

It was nearly midnight by the time I got to the stables. I didn't know if Rolan would be awake or not, but I wanted to speak to him, and I knew that Kris and Talia would leave early in the morning.

Even in the blackness of the unlit night, I could still make out two faint white forms in the far stalls. Silently, I moved towards them, and nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a familiar voice in my head.

:_You should be sleeping_: Rolan said.

"So should you," I shot back in a whisper, once my heart decided to stay within my chest.

:_I thought perhaps you might visit_: he replied. :_Tantris is asleep_.:

I nodded—a rather silly gesture, I realized, in the blackness. "I wanted to ask you something." I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. "You know who I am, and so does Althea, but what of the others? I'm going to be moving to the Collegium soon, and I need to know what the situation is."

:_All Companions know who you are_: Rolan replied. :_For various reasons, it is necessary for all of us to know that. Specifically, they know that you are not from this world, and that you undid the damage that Yfandes caused when she broke the Rules. Though what damage that was, of course, they don't know_.:

"But you and Althea—" I began.

:_We are different, I admit_: Rolan said. _:I, because I am Groveborn, and she because she is Companion to the one who loves you. We both have limited memories of our relationship with you in the other Valdemar_.:

"But why?" I asked.

:_For me, again, I am Groveborn_: he replied. :_But for Althea, her memories were given to her as a gift to you. What good would it have been to have been brought to the time of your love, and not to have found him_:

"Oh," I whispered, reflecting back once more to Berrybay and that night when Treven showed up on my doorstep. It had been entirely Althea's doing, bringing him there (and keeping him there for two weeks), and I would probably have never known of his existence if it hadn't been for her intervention. "Of course." I glanced up at his faint form. "Rolan, do you know the future?"

_:No_: he answered. :_None of us do, and there is no one who would dare break the Rules now_.:

"I know the future," I confessed softly.

:_I know, and I have believed that you knew not to speak of it_: Rolan said:_but I will make it clear now, as I will be away from Haven for quite a while. Now that you are in this Valdemar, you are as bound to our Rules as we are. Out of respect, you are permitted to keep your knowledge here, but if you violate the Rules, I will be forced to take it from you_.:

His casual pronouncement of my fate sent chills down my spine. "As you did to Talia when Gwena appeared?" I asked, shivering slightly at the thought.

:_Yes_: he replied, and his voice seemed somewhat taken aback at my own casual remark. 

"But Foreseers—"

:_Are not the same_: he interrupted. :_You do not have the Gift of Foresight, and among those who do, more often than not, they see only a possible future. You are different, and I think I need not tell you how_.:

"No," I replied.

:_Speak of what you know with no one_: he commanded. :_Not even with me._:

"I understand."

He stepped forward, and rubbed his soft nose against my cheek. :_Your heart is kind, child, but the Rules are the Rules. It is only because of your great sacrifice, and because I believe I can trust you, that I do not take your knowledge from you now. Do not abuse my trust_.:

"I won't," I whispered. "What of Lucia? She still remembers, too."

:_I have taken care of that_: he said:_I'm sorry, Jaelle, but she is a child, and it is necessary_.:

I felt a flash of anger. "What do you mean, 'necessary'? She's never spoken of it to anyone—she hardly speaks of it to me!"

_:I am not willing to take that chance, not now when you're moving to Haven—to the Collegium, as Althea has mentioned,_: Rolan replied, apparently unfazed by my outburst. :_Had you stayed in Berrybay, it might not have mattered. But it does now. And I did not just take her memories away and give her new ones. Her memories of the specifics of the other Valdemar, since she was so young then, will gradually fade from her mind. Few people remember back to when they were four years old anyway, and those who do rarely have sharp memories of that age_.:

I would have started pacing if I could have been certain I wouldn't have run into anything. "I wish you would have told me before you did it. She is my daughter."

:_The matter goes beyond motherhood_: he said.

"I disagree with you," I replied, "but if you were willing to alter your own Chosen's memories, I can hardly expect that my daughter would receive a more respectful treatment."

In spite of me, he rubbed his nose on my cheek once more. :_Child, if you will put aside your emotion, you will understand that some things transcend all who we love. I am responsible to safeguard those things. I do not enjoy doing what is necessary sometimes—but that does not stop me from doing it. You of all people should know about such things_.:

I was not ready to "put aside my emotion" just yet, but I knew he was right, and I hated it. But I supposed all mothers thought their children should be exempt from the way things are. In spite of myself, however, I reached up and caressed his cheek and kissed his nose. "Goodnight."

:_Goodnight_.:

I made my way back to the inn, and up to my room. I was too tired to give much thought to Rolan's warning. I hadn't planned on telling anyone about the books—something Rolan obviously knew—but it was difficult to see Talia and not speak up. I had come to believe, however, that things do work out for the best. As difficult as it was—or would be—for Talia, the best thing that could happen to her would be for her to be stuck in a Waystation to work on her Gift away from prying eyes. If I prevented that pain, I would also prevent the good that came from it.

It was much too early when I rose that morning to see Kris and Talia off. Handing them my chit, I walked them to the door.

"I meant to ask last night," I said, "but do you know if Herald Treven has arrived back in Haven, yet?"

Talia shook her head, looking to Kris, who also shook his head. "I know he's expected back any day now. Is he a regular customer here?"

I smiled. "You could say that," I replied. "He's my husband."

"Oh, ho!" Kris said. "So _you're_ Treven's Jaelle!" He shook his head. "I knew his wife ran an inn, but I didn't even put the two together last night." He smiled at me. "I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"Thank you," I replied. They mounted their Companions and I stepped back into the doorway. "Have a safe journey!"

"Thank you," they called back.

I caught Rolan's eye, and smiled at him. Sleep had done wonders for my ability to see his perspective on things. He nodded back, and then he and Tantris wheeled about, trotting out of the yard. I watched them until they were out of sight, and then turned back into the inn to prepare for the busy day ahead.

I nearly ran into Lucia as I stepped back inside, practically jumping out of my skin as she appeared, it seemed, from nowhere.

"Are they gone?" she asked, peering out the window.

"Yes," I replied, frowning. "Why? What's wrong?" It suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't seen Lucia at all last night when Kris and Talia were playing their harp for the villagers. Lucia loved music, and would rather have given up her right arm than miss a performance from a minstrel or Bard—or a Herald.

Tears filled her eyes. "He was Kyrah's father."

I drew in a soft breath. "Oh." Truth be told, I hadn't even thought of that when I saw him, so focused was I on Talia's upcoming dilemma. I drew her into an embrace. "Oh, sweetheart." Even after five years, she still carried her love for Kyrah, and still considered Kyrah to be her best friend. Of course, I still considered Marie, my soul-sister from high school, to be my best friend.

"I couldn't stay," she said.

"It's all right," I said. "I understand."

"I miss her," Lucia said.

"I know, sweetheart," I whispered. "As you grow older, though, it will get easier to bear."

She just shook her head on my shoulder in denial.

Except that she was wrong, and tears filled my own eyes at what Rolan had done. Thankfully, it would be a gradual forgetting, and one day, Kyrah would just be remembered as a childhood friend, and not as Kris' and Elspeth's daughter...not as someone who never existed.

* * *

_**SCENEBREAK**_

* * *

It was an excruciatingly long day, in which nothing seemed to go right. We lost an entire baking of bread due to the clumsiness of a new kitchen hand, who also managed to upend the salt cellar into a batch of sliced apples meant to be used for pies. Thankfully, they hadn't been seasoned, so Cook was able to rinse them off, but the poor kitchen hand—a young boy from the village who was filling in for his mother who was birthing her fourth child—was nearly in tears by that point. 

So was I, for that matter. We were hosting a wedding reception later that night for the son of our stablemaster, and today was _not_ the day for things to fall apart. I hadn't wanted to host it at all, but both the houses of the parents of the bride and groom were too small to accommodate the guest list—which included practically the entire village—so I had agreed.

It was a lovely wedding, and a very joyous feast in spite of the setbacks, but it was with a grateful heart that I sought my bed that night—or, rather, the following morning, for it was nigh unto dawn before the final guest went home. I intended to sleep well past noon, as I had made the decision the day before to close the inn the day after the wedding, and give all the kitchen hands the day off as a thank-you for the hard work they would undoubtedly do to prepare for the feast.

It took the sun shining full into my face from the western window of my room to stir me from my sleep later that day. As I floated up to full awareness, I heard a low voice chuckling above me.

"You don't know how hard it was for me to let you sleep."

I opened my eyes to see Treven smiling at me, and with a cry of delight, I sat up and practically flung myself at him with such force we nearly tumbled to the floor.

"Hey, now," he said, placing his hand on my abdomen, "be careful. You've got our little one in there." And before I could respond, he kissed me, and I lost all track of everything for a while.

"When did you get in?" I asked.

"I got to Haven yesterday afternoon, and decided to continue on here once I finished checking and filling out all the appropriate paperwork and such," he replied. "I got here just after dawn, and the Circle has given me a week-long holiday in which to get you moved and settled at the Collegium."

"But— " I began, but he silenced me with a kiss.

"Don't argue with me," he said. "My next assignment is to supervise an internship, and I'll leave in just over a week."

The meaning of his words settled on me and I felt tears fill my eyes. "Then you won't be here when the baby is born!"

"We're still working that out," he replied. "Someone will probably take my place for a couple of weeks so I can be with you, but the point is, I won't be here for the rest of your pregnancy, and I'm not leaving until I know you'll be safely installed near the best Healers in the kingdom."

I smiled at him impishly. "Does that mean that if I refuse to move, you won't be sent out?"

He just glared at me.

I sighed. "Very well. I'll move." Garen, my assistant, was more than ready to take over the inn and the orphanage, and I did want to be near the Healers when the baby was born. Best to move now when Treven was here than try to do it myself when I was heavy with child.

He kissed me once more. "It's quiet around here today."

"We had a wedding here last night," I replied, "so I closed the inn for the day and gave everyone a holiday."

A slow smile spread across his face. "So does that mean you can stay in bed all day?"

I found myself smiling back. "Your timing is perfect, don't you think?"

He showed me quite adeptly that he did.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: First, thank you for the reviews! Second, I won't be updating like this on a regular basis. It's been a rather relaxed weekend, giving me time to write, but I go back to work tomorrow.

**Worlds Apart**

Chapter 3

It had only been three days since Treven left, and I was already missing him dreadfully. Here I was, once more starting out in a new place alone. I'd put off moving in until the last possible moment. There wasn't much to move, anyway...just our personal things. Treven's suites held all the furniture and linens we might need.

I waited until Treven was gone to unpack the things I'd brought with me from America when I returned to Valdemar. There wasn't much left. The chocolate and Doritos had long since been eaten, and I'd used up all the batteries for my mp3 player after the first couple of years I'd been here. I no longer had my old clothes anymore. No one was supposed to know that I was from another world, and once I moved away from Berrybay, where few people lived, to Wellsmeet, where thousands poured in and out of, I knew it would be foolish to even keep the clothes. I hadn't even worn them since the day Rolan brought me back to Valdemar. So, one winter's night, after all the villagers had gone, I locked myself in my room, started a fire in the fireplace, and burned all my jeans and t-shirts, and even my underclothes.

Upon arriving at the Collegium, I knew I had to rid myself of whatever I had left of those things. Last night, well after Lucia (and everyone else) was asleep, I had slipped out of our suites and made my way to the bridge in Companions Field near the regular stables and barn. While the Terrilee ran just behind the Herald's Wing of the Collegium, I wanted to escape any prying eyes, and not take any chances with my aim.

Standing on the bridge, over the middle of the Terrilee, I dropped, one-by-one, those things I had which could not be burned: my mp3 player, dead batteries I'd kept out of sentimentality, headphones, a _very_ old toothbrush... There was a chilling sense of finality to destroying everything that had once defined who I was. I felt as though I was systematically erasing my past, as if I were casting myself into the river. I wanted to hold on to more than just the last five years of my life, but I knew the only way to do that was to rid myself of all external evidence of it, lest I be found out, and Rolan carry through with his threat.

Now, kneeling before the fireplace, I found myself once more locked away in my room and surrounded by those things that could be burned: books, photos, papers.

I could tell it was going to be a long night. Before I even took out my things, I was already arguing with myself as to burning them. Getting rid of my mp3 player and such things were obvious...they were useless now, and keeping them would be an unnecessary risk.

But my books—

That was another story entirely. Of course, I was not so stupid as to bring Misty's books with me back to Valdemar, but I did bring some of my favorite classic pieces of literature that I'd had since college, and which had long since become old friends.

I felt no differently about my photos. I only had a few: my family, Landon, the orphans, the lake at my grandmother's house.

And then there were my journals, the ones I'd kept in the other Valdemar, and Stefan's journal referencing Daniel Landon and Vanyel's survival.

With a heavy heart, I laid my personal journals in the flames. I had my memories, and I knew it really was too great a risk to keep the written account of them. How in the world would I have explained the journal entry regarding Selenay's assassination? Or Elspeth's pregnancy?

But Stefan's journal? Oh, I did _not_ want to burn that. There was something about old manuscripts that just tugged at my heartstrings, and I was half-tempted to slip the volume in between two other books on some obscure shelf in the archives of the Collegium library. Were it to be found, however, I was certain that it would cause quite a stir, and eventually get back to the Companions, who surely wouldn't be long in figuring out where it had come from.

Feeling slightly ill for reasons that had nothing to do with my pregnancy, I set aside his journal and picked up the few books I had brought back from home. _Hamlet,_ a volume of poetry, an English translation of the trial of Joan of Arc, some sacred texts. I'd always hid them so carefully, and _never_ took them out when Treven was home. I never felt for a moment that he would discover them. But, then, we never had servants before, and never lived in a place of so much political intrigue. I wasn't sure if it was safe to assume I was immune to all of that.

I decided to compromise. Before I could lose my nerve, I tossed _Hamlet_ and the poetry on the flames and went to stand by the window until the crackling noises died down. I couldn't bear to watch. I knew _Hamlet_ by heart, and I could always find more poetry to read here, but I just couldn't part with the others—not now, at least. Not tonight. I'd already sacrificed enough, and I was tired. I turned, resolutely refusing to look at the flames, and noticed the photos on the floor.

"Enough," I spoke aloud. I just couldn't continue—not with the photos. I gathered what remained of my memories and buried them at the bottom of a very large, very full trunk of clothes. Perhaps tomorrow I could complete my task.

But the day dawned with little change of heart for me, so I decided to get away from it all and take a walk. From habit, I wandered towards Companion's Field, but seeing all the white forms made me re-evaluate the wisdom of my decision. All I could think of was Landon, and I missed him. I kept expecting at any moment that if I turned around—

A Companion was standing directly behind me, and I nearly screamed from fright. "Can't you people make a _little_ noise?"

_:It's part of our makeup_: a female voice, one very familiar to me, sounded in my head.

"I'm sorry," I said, scrutinizing her. "Do I know you?"

:_My name is Gwena,_: she replied. :_I am Companion to the Heir, Princess Elspeth._:

_Of course_, I thought. I should have recognized her voice. But I didn't understand why she was talking to me. Gwena was known in the books for following the "rules" to a T, so I couldn't imagine why she'd break them to Bespeak someone other than her Chosen. "Is there something you needed?"

:_Just to tell you that I will be watching you closely. Very closely. And I will tell Rolan of any—:_

"Listen, _Bessie_," I snapped, "who do you think—"

:_It's Gwena,_: she snapped back.

"—you are? Rolan and I have already spoken about my situation," I continued, ignoring her, "and it does not concern _you_, so you can just take the kink out of your tail." _Or the hoof out of your— _

She stepped closer to me and bent down to look me in the eye. :_Everything concerns me. You would do well not to forget that. I am Groveborn._:

_A Groveborn cow, you mean,_ I thought, _and just as stupid if you think I'm going to fall for that_. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I said, firmly meeting her gaze. If she thought that she could get me to speak of what I knew just to have an excuse to wipe my mind, she had another think coming.

She gave a very audible sniff, and turned and trotted away, her head held high. _You just wait,_ I thought at her retreating form. _You'll get yours._ At that moment, I was willing to give _anything_ to be a little fly in the air when Elspeth put her in her place.

I was disgusted enough to spit nails, and the Field had lost its allure, so I decided to go shopping in the markets in Haven instead.

I wasn't there fifteen minutes before I began to rue ever setting foot off Collegium grounds, as morning sickness ambushed me. It was crowded and noisy and the combination of smells was simply dreadful, made doubly so by my pregnancy. It brought on a demon of a headache, and I thought I was going to lose what little breakfast I'd managed to keep down in the first place. Realizing that it was only going to get worse as the day drew on, I turned dizzily to head back to a tavern where I'd tethered my horse—

And came face-to-face with a long blade and a nasty smile. It took me a moment to realize that they were both there deliberately blocking my path.

The blade itself was mostly concealed from view—just showing enough to make its purpose clear—and the smile was attached to a rather seedy-looking man who stepped close enough to me that he could have sliced me with his dagger without anyone else noticing.

"Just hand over your pouch, m'lady, and you can be on your way."

My mind wasn't processing anything very quickly at that point as I was consumed with the need to simply keep on my feet long enough to find my horse.

I wasn't really sure what happened next, except that I suddenly felt a searing hot pain in my stomach, and felt myself being pushed away. I couldn't break my fall—my arms just didn't seem to want to obey—and I heard the sounds of screaming and of a strong, commanding voice calling for a Healer. The last thing I remembered seeing was the anxious face of a woman, telling me that help was coming.

The next time I opened my eyes, it was to a slightly antiseptic smell and the sight of a wooden ceiling. I opened my mouth to speak, but it felt as though someone had stuffed it full of cotton. I struggled to sit up and heard the sudden rustling of clothes and felt a pair of hands gently push me back down.

"Calm yourself, now," a man's voice said. "You're at Healers. I'll get you a cup of water." A moment later, he returned and helped me sit up, handing me the cup. I drank it slowly, watching him from over the rim. He was young, beardless, dressed in formal Greens—Devan, I presumed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

I placed the cup of water on the small table next to the bed. "You tell me," I said in voice raspy from disuse. "How long have I been here?"

"Nearly a week," he replied. "I'm Devan, by the way."

"Nice to meet you," I said. "I'm Jaelle, Herald Treven's wife."

He smiled at me. "We figured that out. After you collapsed, someone found a Herald; he recognized you, and he and his Companion brought you here."

At the mention of my collapse, hazy memories started to float up through my mind, and I stared at the blanket, trying to remember. "Yes," I replied. "I was feeling so ill from the smells of the marketplace." The image of a face, one with a frightening smile, stood before my eyes. "There was a man there," I said. "I think he wanted something." I looked up at Devan, finally "hearing" something he'd just said. "I've been here for a _week_? What about Lucia? Who's—"

"Don't worry. She's fine. Heralds Janar and Lilith are taking care of her."

Well, now that I was awake, I certainly couldn't keep to bed. I took brief stock of my physical condition, and was surprised to find that, aside from being a little tired, I felt okay.

"I feel just fine now," I said to Devan. "Whatever you did, it worked. I think I'll go back to my suites now and check on Lucia." I started to swing my legs over the edge of the bed, but he prevented me.

"You haven't eaten for a week," he said. "You're not going anywhere until you've had a decent meal inside of you. And besides," he continued, casting a look out the open door, "there's someone here to see you."

He moved over to the door, a somber expression on his face, and nodded to whoever was out there before turning the corner and disappearing down the corridor.

A moment later, my husband stepped in.

"Treven!" I held out my arms to him.

He crossed the room in three steps and gathered me into his arms.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I got word of...what happened...and Herald Rykar offered to take over my circuit so that I could come home and be with you."

I pulled away to see his face. "How long can you stay?"

He smiled faintly. "Several months at least. I've been given teaching responsibilities."

I threw my arms around his neck. "Oh, I'm so glad!" I drew back to kiss him. "If I'd have known that my fainting would have kept you home, I would have done it sooner!"

But he didn't seem to find the joke funny. "Jaelle—"

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"What do you remember of that day in the marketplace?"

I shook my head. "Not much. Just that I was sick, and there was this man there."

Treven looked at me. "He as a thief, Jaelle."

I examined my memories in detail. "Yes," I said slowly. "Yes, you're right." The full memory came back to me. "He had a dagger, and he wanted my pouch!" I looked up at Treven. "Did they catch him?"

"Yes, they caught him," Treven replied, "but—"

"But what?"

He took my hands in his. "Do you remember that he stabbed you?"

My eyes widened. "He did?" I felt a vague memory of a hot sensation in my middle and I absently rubbed my stomach. "I think I remember." I shook my head, shaking off the memory with the movement. "But Devan said I'm fine. I just need to eat—"

"Jaelle," Treven interrupted, with tears in his eyes, "the baby is gone."

"What?" I truly could not believe what I'd just heard.

"The baby," he whispered, and the tears in his eyes spilled onto his cheeks.

I suddenly felt miles away from my body. "No," I said fiercely, glaring at him. "No. The baby is _fine_."

"Jaelle—"

"No!" I cried, the sight of his anguished face blurred by my own tears. "The baby is fine!" I tried to push him away, but he only pulled me closer, sobbing.

"No," I whispered before I, too, dissolved in tears.

"He's going to pay," Treven finally said. "I swear, he's going to pay."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed! I appreciate all your comments and feedback.**  
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**Worlds Apart**

Chapter Four

Thank God for the Truth Spell, because I simply could _not_ attend the trial a few weeks later. I just couldn't. And Treven—well, Althea _wouldn't_ let him go. She got a group of Companions together and surrounded him the day of the trial and wouldn't let him budge until it was over. After he'd calmed down, he told me that she was truly afraid that he would have done something to that—thing.

He didn't deny her accusation.

Of course, the thief was convicted, and was scheduled for execution later today. By his own words, he had intended to kill me.

I wished he had.

I felt cheated. My baby was dead, and I didn't even have a body to bury. How does a person mourn that? All I wanted to do was just curl up in bed and stay there for the next ten years.

Treven didn't seem to understand. Of course, he had Althea and the Circle and his teaching duties to keep his mind occupied, and he wasn't one given to melancholy anyways. But he didn't seem to understand that I wasn't like him. He never _said_ that, of course, but I could tell, and our relationship was feeling the strain of all the unspoken thoughts hovering about between us.

I _didn't_ stay in bed, no matter how much I wanted to. I'd neglected Lucia enough as it was since the attack, and I did not want to give in to the depression that hovered around me as thick as the early morning mists. She deserved better than that, and so, I forced myself to _do_ as much as possible, and I didn't care what. Right now, she was off at Healers for a lesson, and I was in the middle of deep-cleaning our suites, and had just sent all the curtains and floor coverings to the laundry, and was on my hands and knees, scrubbing the floor boards.

The door opened to reveal (from my point of view) a pair of white-clad legs, and I yelped as Treven started to walk in. "The floor's still wet! Take your shoes off."

But when he didn't move, I glanced up at him to find a disturbing look in his eyes that made me forget all about floors and soap. I felt a chill run down my spine and rose. "What is it?" I asked.

"He's gone," Treven said quietly, moving over towards me.

"Who's gone?"

"That thief," he replied. "They came to carry out his sentence, and found his cell empty."

"What?" I cried.

Treven drew me into an embrace. "I don't want you going anywhere alone, do you understand? Not until they catch him."

I nodded.

"And I've also spoken to Alberich," he continued. "You're going to start arms training with him this afternoon."

I pulled away from him with a jerk. "Excuse me, but don't you think you ought to _ask_ me first if I _want_ to take arms training?" I certainly wasn't opposed to it, but the presumption rankled me. Unfortunately, I was woefully out of practice. Once we moved to Wellsmeet, I didn't have time to keep it up—not that we had an armsmaster to train us in any case.

"It doesn't matter what you _want_, Jaelle," Treven replied. "You _need_ it. Maybe if—"

He bit off the rest of the words and glanced away.

I didn't have to be a Mindspeaker, however, to know what he had intended to voice. It was one of those unspoken messages that stood between us like some elephant in the room. Tears filled my eyes.

"You think it's my fault, don't you?" I said. "You think I could have done something to keep our baby from being killed."

"I didn't say that," Treven replied.

But still, he didn't look at me.

I fought to keep the sobs in my chest from reaching my voice. "Well, I'm _sorry_ I was never good enough to get Chosen and be trained like _you._ I'm _sorry_ I felt so sick I was going to pass out that day—not that _you_ can understand that." I'd discovered in the past few weeks that Treven hadn't ever been sick a day in his life, and his "understanding" of illness was purely theoretical. "Maybe you should just—"

I was losing control, and broke off my own sentence, pushing past him and running out the door, down the hall and outside. I didn't know where I was going—just elsewhere. Anywhere but where he was.

I didn't get far, as I nearly ran into Althea, who was standing on the other side of the outer door.

:_Get on,_: she said, kneeling.

"Your Chosen is in there," I replied, jerking my thumb towards the door.

:_I didn't come for him,_: Althea said. :_I came for you. Get on._:

Stubbornness warred with the desire to talk to the one being in Haven who knew who I really was, and after this past week—

I swallowed my pride and clambered onto her back. She rose and we trotted through the gates of Companion's Field, and through the Field itself to a quiet copse where I dismounted.

"Isn't Treven looking for you?" I asked.

:_Treven is scrubbing the floor right now,_: Althea replied.

"He's what?"

:_He didn't mean it to sound that way, Jaelle,_: she said. :_He doesn't blame you for what happened._:

"Really?" I replied. "Because that's not how it sounded to me."

:_He's angry at what happened. People say things that don't come out right when they're angry_.:

I just shook my head. "Maybe he's right," I said. "Maybe it _is_ my fault. I have that dagger that Marin gave me. I should have worn it—I should have known better."

In response, Althea shoved me—hard—with her head, nearly knocking me over. :_Stop being a damned fool_: she said, snorting. :_You couldn't have fought off a feather in your state._: She tossed her head. :_Unlike my Chosen, I do know what it's like to be ill, and ill from a pregnancy. I had some days when I couldn't even stand up._:

I didn't know if she was referring to a pregnancy as a Companion or of one in a past life, but I felt my eyes fill with tears and I gave her a grateful smile. "After I was released from Healers, and moved back into our suites, Treven wanted me to tell him everything I could remember." I shook my head at the memory his response. "After I did, he just looked at me and said, 'But why didn't you fight back?' It was as if he hadn't heard a word I'd said."

She stepped forward and softly nuzzled my cheek. :_I love Treven, but he just doesn't understand some things, and you mustn't take it to heart._:

I was quiet for a long moment, debating whether to confess what had been going through my mind for the past weeks. I finally decided that, after everything else, it probably wouldn't matter. "I thought I knew him," I whispered, "but—"

:_But what:_

I shook my head. "Do you realize that this is the longest amount of time we've spent in each other's company? Ever?"

:_Treven had duties,_: Althea replied.

"I'm not complaining," I said. "I knew I wanted to marry him since...Before...so I didn't mind that most of our courtship was by letter, but—" I sighed softly. "I thought I knew him. Now, after spending time with him, I— I don't know."

Althea said nothing, as if sensing that I was not finished. She was right, of course.

"And Treven—he doesn't know me," I continued. "He thinks I'm a native of Berrybay and that my parents were killed when I was young and—" I sighed heavily and looked up at her. "The irony of it all is that he _used_ to know me, the _real_ me. Before. But now—the worst thing of all—he can never know who I am. Somehow, I thought it wouldn't matter. He was always gone, and I was so busy with the inn, but now—"

I was almost afraid to say it—

"I wonder if we should have ever gotten married at all." I shook my head sadly. "Maybe it was a mistake. We're from two different worlds, and he can never come into mine." I looked up at her. "How can we be married, Althea? We don't even know each other, and I never realized it until now." I thought of what I had started to say to him before I ran out. _Maybe you should just find someone else._ "Maybe we'd be better off apart from each other."

I expected Althea to chide, but her response surprised me.

:_You know_: she said:_I lost a child once. My first foal, in fact.:_

"Really? Treven never said anything to me about that."

:_He's a man, dear,_: Althea replied:_they don't think of these things._: We both chuckled a bit.

"So what happened?" I asked.

:_He was a sickly thing,_: she replied. :_He lived only a few days, and Rolan—he was the sire—was so busy with cleaning up after the Tedrel Wars that I hardly ever saw him. And he was Groveborn on top of that, so he was never human to begin with. He never really understood._: Althea shook her head. :_In spite of what everyone told me, I thought it was somehow my fault. I swore I'd never get pregnant again._:

"Did you?" I asked.

She nodded. :_And from Rolan. Of course, I spent the entire pregnancy in terror, but I had a very healthy filly, who's grown up beautifully_.: Althea nuzzled my cheek. :_It doesn't seem like it, I know, but you will heal from this, and you'll have another baby._:

"I don't know," I said. "Has he told you we haven't been together since it happened? I don't even know if he comes to bed half the time...I'm asleep before he comes home, and he's gone before I wake up."

:_I know_: Althea replied. :_And just so that your mind doesn't start thinking all sorts of wrong things, when he's not with you, he's been with me. He's really hurting right now.:_

"He has a funny way of showing it," I said, although I was relieved to know the only company he sought was his Companion's.

:_He doesn't know how to deal with this any more than you do,_: she said. :_The important thing to remember now is that you need to deal with it together, even if that means that all you do is yell at each other._:

"I do love him," I admitted.

:_Then tell him that,_: Althea said. :_He can't read your mind, and you're not lifebonded. He needs to hear it.:_

I just nodded. "Does he love me?"

I heard her chuckle in my mind. :_He's on his hands and knees, scrubbing the floor of your suites, and if you don't know it already, I'll tell you: he hates cleaning. It would take some powerful love to get him down on that floor._:

I hadn't known that about him, and I couldn't help but smile. I didn't even have to ask Althea to take me back. She knelt and I climbed on and she brought me back to the door of the Herald's Wing. I dismounted, gave her a hug, and went inside.

I pushed open the door of our suites to find Treven on the floor, scrubbing, soaked from head to foot. He had the most miserable expression on his face I had ever seen, but he was so intent on his work that he hadn't heard me enter.

Mindless of the floor, I crossed it in three steps.

At the second step, Treven looked up, and then down at my shoes. "Hey, I just cleaned that!"

At the third step, I threw myself into his arms with enough force to knock both of us over, and clung to him. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No," he murmured into my hair, which was now as wet as his. I was going to have to teach him how to clean a floor—or, rather, how _not_ to clean one. "I am. I didn't mean—" He pulled away to look at me. "I swear, Jaelle, I don't think it's your fault."

I nodded, fighting back tears. "I know. It's just so damned _hard_."

He pulled me closer.

"I love you," I sobbed out. "You know that, don't you?"

"Yes," he whispered. "And I want you to be safe. I—"

"I'll take the class with Alberich," I said, interrupting him. I felt him relax and hold me tightly.

"Thank you," he said.

* * *

SCENEBREAK

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I got cleaned up and made my way down to the salle. Treven had told me I would be joining a class of newly-Chosen, and I saw them enter the salle as it came into view. I hurried, not wanting to be late, and slipped in behind the last student. I glanced around the salle—it was the same as I had known it to be. And Alberich— 

He hadn't changed a bit. He hardly looked a day younger than the last time I'd seen him. In fact, I couldn't take my eyes off of him, watching him as he prepared the equipment, and was like a knife in the heart to know that I was a perfect stranger to him. Seeing him brought a longing for the conversations we used to have. He was far more wise and understanding than the books had led me to believe.

His back still turned to us, gathering up practice swords, Alberich started calling out students' names and various exercises. The students gathered around him and he turned to distribute the weapons. He finished, and absently glanced up, and caught my gaze.

He froze.

The students proceeded to start working out, oblivious to the fact that their teacher was just standing there, staring at the one person still sitting on the bench.

I bit my lower lip, unsure of what to do. Why would Alberich be staring at me? He'd never even seen me before.

Thankfully, he moved towards me before any of the practice bouts ended. I rose as he came to stand in front of me, trying to quell the butterflies in my stomach at not only the sight of him, but at the intense expression in his eyes.

"You are Herald Treven's wife?"

I nodded. "My name is Jaelle."

He blinked as though startled and then quickly regained his composure. "Very well," he said, handing me a wooden sword, and taking one of his own. "You will show me what you know." He assumed a defensive posture. "Attack!"

I attacked him, just as he and Marin had taught me, and parried his own blows. Another look of surprise crossed his face, and I was able to score the slightest of touches on him. He immediately backed up, ending our bout, and just stared broodingly at me for a long moment.

Had I never known him before, I would have been terrified at the look in his eyes. As it was, I had to swallow a taste of fear lingering in the back of my throat.

"Enough I have seen," he finally said. "Return tomorrow morning one hour before noon."

I had been planning to pay a visit to the inn and see how Garen was faring on his own, but seeing the look in Alberich's eyes, I hastily adjusted my plans.

"Very well," I replied. "Thank you for your time."

He gave a curt nod and then turned his attention to the other students.

It was an evident dismissal, and I turned and left the salle, pondering his odd behavior. Surely he hadn't recognized me! Had he? But how could he have? From his point-of-view, we had never met before.

I had a sudden thought, and changed direction in mid-stride, turning towards Companion's Field. Treven was teaching a class now, so I knew that Althea would be unoccupied. I stopped the first Companion I saw and asked him to please tell Althea I wished to speak with her. A few moments later, I saw a white form approaching me at a trot.

:_Is all well?_: I heard her voice in my head.

I had to wait for her to come within earshot before I could answer, and since I wasn't inclined to shout, I waited until she had come to a stop beside me.

"Yes, it's fine. I just finished my class with Alberich."

Her ears flicked backwards. :_But class hasn't been dismissed_.:

"_I_ have."

:_Oh? What happened?_:

I started walking towards a more private part of the Field, and told her what I'd noticed. "You don't think—he can't _remember_ me, can he?"

_:I don't see how,_: Althea answered slowly. :_But—were you close to him...back then?_:

I just looked at her in astonishment. "You don't remember?"

Her head seemed to droop a little. _:My memories of...that time...are limited.:_

"Oh," I replied softly. I remembered then that Rolan had said as much, but I hadn't really thought about it before. "Yes," I continued. "We were close. Well, as close as one can be with Alberich. I think it helped that I wasn't a student."

_:Hmmm,_: she mused. :_I'll ask Kantor about it. Perhaps he might be able to enlighten us._:

"The Companions know I'm not from this world, Rolan told me," I said, "and that I helped undo the damage that Yfandes caused." I looked at Althea. "Do they know that this implies that I was in another Valdemar? Would Kantor be able to infer from that that I knew Alberich before?"

Althea snorted. _:I probably shouldn't say this, but after the attack, you became quite the topic of conversation among us. I had to bite my tongue to keep from correcting some of the assumptions that were thrown up about you—Rolan doesn't want it spread abroad that I have memories from back then. I don't think anyone's actually seriously contemplated what you mean. Rumors are much more fun, you know.: _ She twitched her tail. _:Except for Gwena, maybe.:_

"Stupid cow," I snarled. I still felt my hackles rise at the remembrance of her confrontation.

_:I'm sure I don't want to know what that's all about: _Althea said. :_In any case, I'll have a discreet conversation with Kantor and see what he knows.:_

"Thanks," I replied. "I'm supposed to return tomorrow for another lesson, and I'd like to know what's going on before then if possible."

:_You'd best be arming yourself as well_: Althea said. _:We have no idea how the hell that thief just disappeared from under our noses—nor what revenge he might be seeking.:_

"I've got a dagger in our suites," I said. "I'll put it on as soon as I get back."

:_See that you do_: Althea replied, nuzzling my cheek. :_Stop by here tomorrow before your lesson. I'll let you know what I've found out.:_

She trotted away and I set off for my suites with the image of Alberich's face burned into my mind. For the first time since the baby died, I had something else to think about.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! I've had some rather significant writer's block, which is why I haven't updated for a while. I hope it decides to migrate south with the Canadian geese so that I can just get on with the story!

**Worlds Apart**

Chapter Five

I woke the next morning cradled in Treven's arms. We'd spent most of the night making up from our fight, and I was not pleased when the early morning sun roused me from sleep, and hearing Treven groan, I knew I wasn't the only one to feel that way

"Draw the curtains," I murmured.

"I have a class to teach, and the waking bell has already rung," he replied, sliding out of bed.

I pulled a blanket over my head. "Cancel it."

From across the room, I could hear him chuckle. "Lucia has class in a while, too, doesn't she? And you've got arms practice this morning as well."

"I don't care."

I heard footsteps and a moment later, the blanket was pulled off my head. "Come on, beautiful," Treven said, leaning down to kiss me.

I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Are you _sure_ you have to go to class?"

"You're incorrigible."

"You weren't complaining last night," I teased.

In reply, he kissed me once more for a long moment.

"That's _not_ helping," I replied.

With a smile, Treven helped me to my feet, and I set about getting dressed.

"You have your dagger, don't you?" he asked, pulling a tunic over his head.

"Yes," I answered, and I suddenly felt my heart drop to my feet. I kept the dagger with the other things I'd brought back from my world. _Please don't let him ask to see it_, I prayed. Treven didn't know I owned things he was unaware of, and now was not the time to deal with that. Actually, _never_ was the time to deal with that.

"Good," he said, putting on his breeches. "I've spoken to Althea. She's going to meet and escort both you and Lucia to your classes."

I looked up at him but before I could protest, he held up his hand.

"Don't waste your time arguing," he said. "I'm not taking any chances. As long as this thief is running free, this is the way it's going to be."

I knew there was no arguing with him when he was determined, so I just nodded and turned my attention back to getting dressed. A moment later, I felt his arms enclose me from behind and turned to face him.

"It won't be for long," he said. "I'm sure we'll catch him soon." He kissed me. "I'm not going to lose you."

I smiled, and let go of my annoyance. "I suppose if the tables were turned, I'd do the same," I said. And being in Althea's company wouldn't be bad. I remembered that she was going to talk to Kantor and let me know what she found out, and it could never hurt to have a reasonable excuse to be in the company of the one person who knew me for who I was.

Treven kissed me once more. "Althea will be at the door in a candlemark or so. I'll bring some breakfast back to you and Lucia before my class begins."

"Sounds good," I replied, before letting him go.

I finished dressing as Treven headed out the door. I peeked out the window to make sure he wasn't going to return before retrieving my dagger from where I'd hidden it. Once it was securely fastened, I crossed our suites, passing through the main room to the small room where Lucia lay sleeping.

"Wake up, sweet," I said, shaking her gently. "You've got class this morning." She had two, in fact. Shielding, because, as her Gifts opened and grew stronger, she had to constantly adjust and strengthen her shields to accommodate them. Her other class was in Healing. Her Gift was slowly opening, making it necessary that it be kept under regular surveillance. It seemed that her specialty was going to be in Trauma Healing from what the Healers could tell at her young age and stage of Gift development. She just seemed to be naturally drawn to those patients who had suffered sudden, severe injuries—most of whom were Heralds. I had to admit, I was pleased to hear this. Between her specialty and the projected strength of her Gift, it meant that she would most likely be stationed in Haven.

Unlike her mother, Lucia was a morning person. She sat up in bed with a smile, and threw her arms around my neck.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked, returning the embrace.

She nodded on my shoulder. "I dreamt of Kyrah. We were both riding across the Field on Companions."

I tried to suppress the emotional pain I felt upon hearing of both her best friend and her lifelong hope in one sentence. Lucia's Empathy was nearly at full-strength, and I didn't want her to sense what I was feeling. But I was rarely successful in hiding my emotions from my daughter, and now was no exception.

"It's okay, Mama," she said, falling into the American slang she favored when we were alone. "It was a nice dream, and it didn't make me sad." She drew back to look at me. "I know I'll never be Chosen." And with that matter-of-fact statement, she climbed out of bed and began to dress.

She said nothing about Kyrah, and I didn't bring it up. Normally, such a dream would have brought her to tears, but this morning was somehow different. I suspected that Rolan's interference was starting to take effective hold on her mind.

I left her alone to dress, and set about to preparing the table for breakfast. And just as Lucia came into the main room, Treven entered with a platter of food. We ate quickly, and were at the door just as Althea came trotting up. Treven kissed us both goodbye, and Lucia and I started out for the House of Healing.

It wasn't until Lucia was safely within the House, and Althea and I on our way towards the salle, that she spoke to me.

_:I talked to Kantor last night:_ she said without preamble.

"And?"

:_Alberich was pretty shaken by seeing you, he said.:_

I felt my stomach drop to my shoes. "How is it possible that he could remember me?" I cried, and then instinctively lowered my voice. "How?" I repeated. "And does Kantor know?"

:_He doesn't remember you exactly_: Althea replied. :_It was more of a vague feeling of recognition.:_

I shook my head. "That just doesn't make sense. How—why—would he remember me?" I did _not_ like the sound of this. If Alberich sensed anything amiss, he would be on his guard, and would go straight to the Circle with any suspicions. The last thing I needed was for him to become my enemy. "What about Kantor?"

Althea sighed. :_Kantor didn't think much about it—until I came to speak with him. Then it didn't take him long to figure out just what you'd mentioned yesterday, that you'd been in a different Valdemar and that Alberich had known you then.: _She stopped walking as the salle came into sight. _:Kantor thinks that, somehow, Alberich seems to remember you on a very vague level, made more so by the fact that he recognizes his training in your fighting skills.:_

"Great." I could only sigh in frustration. "But why him?" I asked. "Why hasn't anyone else who knew me shown those signs?"

:_Who else was there?_: Althea asked.

"Well, there was Talia," I replied. "Of course, she was on her way to her internship when we met, so she probably wasn't paying much attention." That, I thought, and the fact that she was expending every ounce of energy to hold her shields in place, most likely ensured that she would not have given me much thought.

"And Selenay," I continued, "but I haven't met her here, yet. Nor have I met Elspeth, but she was an adult then, and a child now, so I don't know what would happen in such a situation." I looked up at Althea. "And, of course, there's Treven."

:_He always felt as though he'd known you his whole life, even from the very beginning_: Althea said:_but he accounted that feeling to the love he felt for you, and he's never given it a second thought.:_

"So it must be true," I said. "Those whom I knew then somehow carried that connection over into this Valdemar."

:_So it would seem_: Althea said.

I could only shake my head once more. "What will we do? Is Kantor going to make Alberich forget about me?"

_:No,_: she replied. :_Only Rolan has that kind of authority. We must wait for him to return, and make do in the meantime_.:

"He won't be back for more than a year!"

:_I know_: she returned glumly.

"Well," I said with a sigh, "let's just hope that Alberich doesn't decide that I'm a threat or something." I looked up at the salle. "Class is about to begin."

:_I'll be waiting for you when it's over to escort you back_: Althea replied as we made our way towards the door.

Thanks," I said. I kissed her nose, and entered the salle.

It was empty, save for Alberich, who was standing there with an expectant look in his eyes, as though he had been waiting for someone.

I did not like this.

Swallowing hard, I smiled. "Good morning."

He only nodded once, politely, and then gestured to the practice swords. "Shall we begin?"

"But the rest of the class—" I began, but he cut me off with the shake of his head.

"For today, my class you are," he said.

I _really_ did not like this. But what choice did I have? To object would only further his suspicions. "Very well," I replied, and reached for a wooden blade, taking a stance opposite him.

We began our practice, and I mentally cursed myself for having shown him my training the day before. If I had hidden it, or played dumb, he would probably have just let his vague feeling of recognition pass over him and chalked it down to just being one of those unexplainable things. But now, having recognized his own handiwork in my movements, he was as tenacious as a bulldog. It would do me little good to feign ignorance of weaponswork now, and there was no way I could have predicted any of this anyways. Best to just ride out the storm and try not to make it any worse.

The session ended when the flat of his blade sent me sprawling to the floor, flat on my back. I looked up to see him standing over me, his hand extended. I reached for it, and he helped me up with what was almost a smile. He seemed, at that moment, so much like the Alberich I had known, that I smiled back.

If I could have stopped time at any moment in my life, it would have been then, for in the next moment, when he was turning away, he suddenly stopped, his eyes drawn to my hip where my dagger lay.

He stared at it, as though he had never seen a dagger before in his life...stared at it in such a way that I would have given anything to have been anywhere else in any Valdemar or Earth in existence.

He said something in a language I did not recognize, and when I didn't answer, he looked up at me, anger flashing in his eyes.

"Where did you get that?" he asked, and I had the feeling that he was repeating what he had just said.

Caught in his gaze, I couldn't so much as breathe, let alone think of a creative lie. Nor could I, for the life of me, imagine why he would have taken such a frightening interest in my dagger.

"It was given to me as a gift, from a friend of mine," I replied in a small voice.

"Who?" he demanded.

I knew better than to lie, for I had the feeling he already knew the answer to the question, and the thought of having even contemplated it a moment before made me tremble now. But every word I spoke was only going to make things worse for me. And yet, what choice did I have? I was damned either way. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "His name was Marin," I whispered.

Alberich stepped back upon hearing Marin's name, and just stared at me.

I took advantage of his pause to put forth a question of my own. "Why do you ask?"

He turned upon me the severest of glances. "That dagger I _made._"

_Oh. Bloody. Hell._


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I appreciate the reviews! You guys are great.

This chapter is dedicated to etcetera-cat. Just because.

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**Worlds Apart**

Chapter Six

In the weeks to come, I was able to think of a dozen clever responses to Alberich's stunning announcement regarding my dagger. Unfortunately, at the time, however, my presence of mind was drowned in shock, and the only thing going through my head was that repetitive curse.

_Oh, bloody hell._

I think I might have even _said_ it, but I couldn't be certain. The only thing I _could_ be certain of was that Alberich was standing there, staring at me, waiting for an answer as to how I came to own a dagger he had made and given to someone I had no earthly way (to his mind) of knowing.

He was going to be waiting a long time, because I had _no_ idea what to say to him—something, I suspected, he was coming to realize. Just when I thought he was going to lose all patience with me, his eyes suddenly unfocused, and the emotions on his face went from angry to concerned. Without a word, he dashed out of the salle.

_Any_ distraction suited me, but I'd never seen Alberich look so...scared. I didn't even know there _was_ something he could be afraid of. After only a moment's hesitation in which I digested the fact that I was alone in the salle, I hurried in his wake, only to nearly collide with Althea at the door.

"What's going on?"

:_Forgive me_: she said:_but I was sort-of eavesdropping on your conversation, and realized you might need some help._:

I blinked. "You were listening in?"

_:Yes_: she replied. :_I know I shouldn't have been, but—_:

I threw my arms around her neck and nearly sobbed out a sigh of relief. "Are you kidding? Another minute of his staring at me like that, and I think I would have died right there!" I said. I drew back to look at her as the implications of the situation sank upon me like a weight. "Oh, Althea, what am I going to do?"

:_Well, for now, nothing_: she said. :_I enlisted the help of Kantor, who is currently faking a strained leg tendon. That should keep Alberich occupied until we can think of a way to deal with this_.:

"Of all the times for Rolan to be gone," I said. Tears blurred my vision as I felt my entire world spiraling out of control. "How can we possibly deal with this? What explanation can I give him about why I own a dagger he made for someone I've never even _met_!" The tears spilled onto my cheeks and I didn't even try to brush them away. "I'm going to lose myself, Althea," I cried, burying my face in her mane.

:_Hush now_: she soothed. :_I won't let that happen to you_.:

I lifted my head to look into her eyes. "If they suspect me, they'll Truth Spell me, and then they'll _know_. They'll know that I know the future, and Rolan said—"

:_Rolan's not here_: Althea interrupted.

"But Gwena is." I almost couldn't believe that I had just uttered those words, but what did it matter now?

Althea's eyes registered surprise. :_Gwena—?_:

"I know that Gwena is Groveborn, Althea." A sad smile stretched my lips at the remembrance of my meeting with her. "And for that matter, she's perfectly aware that I know, and would be just as perfectly happy to get rid of me."

Althea just looked at me, as though she were just seeing me for the first time. :_What—what else do you know_:

"Everything," I admitted. "At least, everything for the next several years or so. Didn't you know that I knew the future?"

:_I thought it was something like Foresight,_: she replied. :_You mean, you actually know about specific events that will occur:_

I nodded.

:_I thought Rolan was just overreacting_: she said, and I had the feeling she was speaking more to herself than to me.

"You see now why I have cause to fear," I said. "If it gets out that I know specific events in the future, Gwena will have no choice but to wipe out all of my past memories, to say nothing of what she'll have to do to everyone who is made aware of this." I stared off into the distance. "For all intents and purposes, I will cease to exist."

_:Oh. Bloody. Hell.:_

In spite of the seriousness of it all, I had to laugh when I heard the dawning realization in her voice. "Blood hell, indeed," I repeated with a chuckle, and then a sigh of resignation.

:_Dammit, I'm not just going to give up_: she said, shoving me with her nose:_and neither should you. All of us Companions know full well that without your help, we'd still be suffering for the mistakes of one of our own. If you think that we're just going to abandon you as a lost cause, you can think again!_: She twitched her tail. _:I don't know just what we'll do, but I swear to you, Jaelle, we won't let you be lost.:_

I wrapped my arms around her neck and just held her for a long moment. "I'm really scared, Althea," I whispered. "I think I'd rather die than lose what makes me, me." I pulled away, taking a deep breath and trying to find the reasonable part of me amidst all the emotion. "Of course, I suppose I'd never know if it did happen."

:_We Companions are good at improvising when necessary_: Althea replied. _:Kantor will handle Alberich for now, and I'll talk to the others after I escort you back_.: Her tail twitched once more in annoyance to match the tone her voice took. :_On top of it all, we still have that damned thief to worry about.:_

"He seems a rather petty problem in comparison to this," I said as we started back for the Herald's Wing of the palace.

:_Indeed, but Treven will have both our hides if we slack off_: she said, _:and I don't want to draw any undue attention to this situation with Alberich.:_

"I agree," I replied. "What about Gwena?"

Althea snorted. :_Leave her to us_: she said. :_We'll keep her in the dark about what's going on as much as possible._: She sighed heavily. :_As a newly-born Groveborn spirit, she is incapable of understanding just how important you have been to Valdemar. She was never there to see what might have been_.:

"I don't suppose Elspeth's going away for any training exercises?" I asked hopefully.

:_Not as a first-year Trainee, I'm afraid,_: Althea replied. :_But Gwena's busy tending to her new Bond with Elspeth, so she's a little more distracted than most Companions._:

"If you could just keep her ignorant of what's going on, that would take most of the worry off of my shoulders," I said as we approached the door. "All we have to do now is just find some way to contain Alberich. Of course," I continued after a slight pause, "that's easier said than done."

_:We'll think of something_: Althea replied. :_Why don't you just go rest for a while? I'll talk to the others and then bring Lucia back after her last class, and let you know what I know_.:

I nodded. "That sounds good." I gave her another hug. "Thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

She nuzzled my cheek without reply, and then trotted back towards the Field as I headed for our suites.

Once there, I took off Marin's dagger and set it on the table, and then prepared a cup of tea to take the edge off the headache that had settled between my eyes. I set it on the table in front of me to cool a bit and took a seat in the overstuffed chair and closed my eyes.

My mind was playing out the worst-case scenario when the door to our suites opened, and Treven came in. There was an unfathomable look in his eyes as he leaned over to kiss me.

"How was class?" he asked.

"Fantastic," I replied, doing my best to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. "How was yours?"

"Great," he said. But then he just stood there, looking at me, as though he wanted something.

"What?" I asked, reaching for my cup of tea. "What is it?"

A slight frown creased his brow. "Jaelle, who's Landon?"

My hand froze in mid-reach, and I felt the blood drain from my body and a chill course through my veins in its place. I couldn't find my voice for a moment, and when I did, I could only stammer out a lame-sounding, "What did you say?"

_Althea!_ I screamed in my mind. _Oh, please still be listening in! You've got to get Treven out of here, NOW! _

But Treven didn't so much as move, and, in fact, his resolve seemed to strengthen. "Who is Landon?" he repeated, the frown in his brow growing deeper, a tell-tale sign of his ire.

_Oh, God, no,_ I prayed. _I can't deal with this right now._

"Landon who?" I asked, sipping my tea to buy myself some time to compose myself. How in the name of all that was holy did Treven know of Landon? And why was he so angry with me?

It was the wrong thing to say. "I don't know, Jaelle," Treven said, "that's what I'm trying to find out, and stop playing the innocent!" He nearly slammed his books down on the table. "You called for him more than once when you were feverish after the attack, and I just want to know who he is!"

My whole body breathed a sigh of relief upon learning that his source of information was a fevered murmuring. That could be easily explained away. But it didn't explain his anger. In fact, it made it all the more puzzling.

"Why are you so upset now all of a sudden?" I asked, feeling my own ire rising. "The attack happened weeks ago, and you've never said a word about this before."

"I just want to know," he replied in a tight, deceptively calm voice.

"Fine," I said, setting my tea cup back down on the table. "Landon was a good friend of mine from Berrybay."

Treven didn't so much as twitch, nor did his tone change. "You've never mentioned him to me before, and I never met any friend of yours with that name."

I was starting to lose my patience with this nonsense.

"What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?" I snapped, and then inwardly cringed at my gaffe. I rose from my seat and turned away from him, trying to calm myself.

"The _what_?" he asked.

I just shook my head. "Never mind." I turned back to face him. "The reason you don't know anything about Landon is that he died long before we ever met. And I _still_ don't see why you're so upset!"

Treven took a step forward. "You want to know why I'm upset?" he asked. "I'll tell you. I just saw Alberich in the Field on my way to find Althea after class. You'll never guess what he told me."

I decided right then that I should probably just get a tunic with the words _oh, bloody hell_ embroidered across the front, because it seemed to be shaping up to be my life's motto. I said nothing in reply to Treven, partially because I just didn't know what to say, and partially because I could see what was coming, and knew that nothing I said would change it. As it was, he didn't give me the time to reply anyways.

"He told me you were _quite_ skilled in his style of weaponswork, and that the dagger you own is one that _he_ made!" Treven practically shouted. "And made for someone he knew in _Karse_, of all places!"

It was then that I could see the underlying hurt that was behind and driving all his anger. It shone as brightly from his eyes as any Companion's magical glow. I remained silent against its onslaught, and at that moment, I would have given my right arm to just have the earth open up and swallow me whole.

"_You_ tell me you spent your whole life in Berrybay," he continued, "but you have a dagger from Karse, and your weaponswork has Alberich's handprints all over it!—Not to mention these _friends_ I've never heard of before!" His face was wrenched with a pure, unadulterated sense of betrayal that cut my heart to shreds. "_Dammit_, Jaelle!" he cried, slamming his open palm onto the table between us. "Who the hell _are_ you!"

To this day, I don't know how I ever found my voice at that moment, but somehow I did, and it was calm and quiet. I felt strangely detached from my body and all its surroundings as I stood there looking at my husband. I expected that it was a pure emotional shock or an overload of some kind in the face of my whole life falling apart at the seams right in front of me. "The dagger was given to me as a gift," I said, "and I told you I received weapons training in Berrybay. Maybe the weaponsmaster there had worked with Alberich before—"

"No," he snapped, cutting me off with that forceful word. "Alberich said you told him the dagger was given to you by Marin himself—a man who has never set a foot in Valdemar before."

"Well maybe Alberich was wrong—" I began.

"Alberich is _never_ wrong," Treven practically snarled at me. "I _know_ him." He shook his head, and I could see a sheen of tears fill his eyes. "It's _you_ I don't know."

With those cold words, he turned and stalked out of our suites, slamming the door behind himself.

_I do not know you. You are not my Chosen. _For some reason, Gala's words to Tylendel came to my mind as I stood there staring stupidly at the closed door.

Somewhere from within the depths of my being, I felt a sob tear through my chest, releasing me from my stupor. Sinking to the floor, I burst into tears and wept.


	7. Chapter 7

Once again, thank you all for the reviews. I really appreciate knowing what you think about this!

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**  
Worlds Apart**

Chapter Seven

I pulled myself together as best I could, and a semblance of calm and reason ensued. With that calm, however, came a realization: Althea's plan to contain this whole mess was going to have to be drastically altered, and altered immediately. As in, _now_. For all that she planned to get the other Companions to keep Gwena in the dark, if Alberich went public, either to the Queen or someone else important, with what little information he had, it wouldn't take long for all three Collegia to find out. It would be next to impossible in such a situation to keep Gwena from knowing something that everyone else knew. Elspeth would surely mention it to her, at the very least. All of this meant only one thing.

I had to get to Alberich before he got to anyone else.

Of course, for all I knew, I was already too late, but I couldn't just sit here any longer, even if it was too late. My marriage—my very life as it mattered—was at stake, and I was not about to go gently into that good night. I didn't know where Treven was, and while I wanted to go after him and talk to him, I didn't dare waste a moment in getting to Alberich.

My headache had grown to unignorable proportions, so I downed my now-cold tea in one swallow, and strapped on Marin's dagger onto my hip. Striding across the room, I opened the door and started to head towards the outside exit when I saw Herald Lilith turn the corner at the other end of the hall.

I quickly ducked down another hall, and sprinted towards the door at the end. Lilith was very kind, and had been such a help to me after the attack, but I just didn't want to talk to her. In fact, if Selenay herself showed up, I would have tried to escape. I had a single-minded focus on Alberich, and talking to him, and I just couldn't face anyone until I'd completed my mission. In fact, I wasn't even going to try to find Althea. I just wanted to talk to Alberich.

The alternate exit actually led me to a different side of the palace that was closer to the salle, and I tried to keep from running across Collegium grounds as I crossed them. As I drew closer, I noticed that trainees from all three Collegia were going in and out of the salle. I joined those going in, and took a place on an empty bench. It appeared that I had happened upon a rather advanced class, as, by the time everyone had come and gone, there were only four trainees sitting on benches with me.

They were all casting me _very _strange looks, but I ignored them. Or, rather, I couldn't draw my eyes from Alberich's, which were boring into my skull, long enough to pay them any mind. He stared at me for a long moment before his eyes briefly fell to my hip before returning to my face.

"Pair up," he commanded the others, without taking his eyes from mine.

They did as they were bid, and he crossed the room towards me, looking as stern as ever I had seen him. I should have been quaking, but everything seemed to have spiraled so far out of my control that fear no longer mattered—at least, not with him.

He just stood there, glaring at me.

"I must speak with you," I said in a low voice. For all that the others were supposed to be practicing, at least one of their eyes were on me and Alberich.

He noted it as well, even though his back was to his students. "Sufficient noise, I do not hear!" he exclaimed, glancing at the ceiling, and causing them to hastily get to work. He nodded his satisfaction, and then turned his attention back to me. "Trust you, I do not," he said with a note of finality that offered me little hope.

"But I trust you," I replied, before he could turn away. "We used to be good friends, you and I."

His eyes narrowed. "A Mindhealer you need."

I shook my head and resisted the urge to smile at his pronouncement that I was certifiably nuts. "No," I replied softly. "It's not that simple, I'm afraid." How I wished it could have been! "I have Marin's dagger, after all."

At the mention of Marin's name, Alberich looked ready to skewer me.

"Please," I whispered. "I must speak with you. Ask your Companion."

Alberich just gave me a long, searching look before his eyes unfocused in that way Heralds had when talking to their Companions. A moment later, an almost-astonished look passed across his face. His eyes focused back on me, and he just glared at me once more, as though he were extremely unhappy with the results of his conversation. "Talk to you, I will," he finally said.

"Thank you," I replied.

"Jeri will come to watch the trainees," he said, "then we may go." With that, he turned his back on me and started critiquing his students.

I returned to my seat on the bench and breathed an enormous sigh of relief. I didn't know how our talk would turn out, but at least he was willing to hear me.

:_Jaelle!_: rang Althea's voice in my mind, sounding very disturbed. :_What are you doing? Kantor just told me that you're with Alberich:_

"Has Treven talked to you?" I whispered.

_:No,_: she replied. _:Actually, he's blocking me out right now. What is going on:_

"Alberich told him about the dagger," I replied. "He was furious with me." I felt tears well up in my eyes at the memory of his words, and I paused to force the emotion away. "He said he didn't know who I was and stormed out of our suites."

_:Fantastic_: Althea said with all the sarcasm I had declined to use earlier. :_And just what are you doing talking to Alberich:_

"I'm going to tell him everything," I said, watching him show one of his students how to properly execute a particular move.

_:You can't be serious.:_

"He's already told me he doesn't trust me," I said. "If I don't talk to him now, and make a full disclosure, he'll take this to the Circle. Either way, I'm going to have to tell the whole story. If I can get him on my side, however, I may still have a chance to keep this quiet and to keep Gwena from wiping my mind like a slate."

The long pause that followed started to make me nervous. "Althea?" I whispered.

_:This has gotten completely out of control:_ she said. _:Jaelle—:_

"What?"

_:You can't tell Alberich that Gwena is Groveborn.:_

"I don't intend to," I said, and then hastily shut up as the students came close enough to hear me. I waited until they had fought their way to the other side of the room. "I'm also not going to tell him that I know the future," I resumed. "I'm just going to tell him enough to convince him that I'm not a threat to Valdemar."

_:Jaelle—:_ Althea's mindvoice was hesitant.

"Althea, what's the matter?" I asked, swatting at a fly that had decided to circle my head like a plane approaching an airport.

_:I talked to the others,_: Althea replied.

"And?" I prompted, slapping at the annoying pest. "Just tell me—it can't make the day any worse than it already is."

I heard her sigh. :_We're behind you, all of us.:_

I heard the huge "but" in her tone and told her so.

_:But,_: she continued:_if there is a good reason to believe that you might reveal sensitive information to anyone, we must inform Gwena. She will have to...take care of it._:

"I'm not going to say anything, I swear," I declared.

_:I know,_: Althea replied:_but if Alberich doesn't believe you, he will go to the Circle, as you have correctly stated. You may be subjected to the Truth Spell. If it appears as though that will happen, we will have no choice but to tell Gwena. We can't risk your knowledge becoming public.:_

I let a slow breath out through my lips. "I understand," I whispered.

_:I'm sorry_: she said in a very soft voice.

"It's not your fault," I replied. I didn't know if it was anyone's fault. Maybe mine, maybe Rolan's. Maybe it didn't even matter anymore.

_:I'm going to go now and try to find Treven,_: she said:_but I'll keep an ear in on your conversation with Alberich, if you don't mind.:_

I had a feeling from her apologetic tone of voice that she was not seeking my permission, but merely being polite. Just then, the door to the salle opened, and Jeri entered. "Of course," I replied. "Thank you for asking first."

I thought I heard her mutter our favorite curse, but Alberich was crossing the room towards me, and I wasn't paying much attention to Althea anymore.

"Follow me," he said.

I did as he commanded—for a command it was—and we left the salle. "Where are we going?"

"To Kantor," he replied, turning towards the Field, and I said nothing more until we were settled in a private copse of trees.

"Very well," Alberich said, leaning back against a tree. "You wished to speak? Speak."

Now that I had his undivided attention (and it was more than a little disconcerting under the circumstances), I wasn't quite sure where to begin. I wished I could just send him a thoughtburst or something that could convey all the emotion and information that was in my heart and mind at the moment.

I looked to Kantor, and then back to Alberich. "Do you trust your Companion's judgment as to whether I am telling you the truth, or would you rather put a first-stage Truth Spell on me?"

I saw Kantor twitch at the mention of the Truth Spell, and immediately heard Althea's voice in my head.

_:Jaelle! What are you doing:_

_If Alberich doesn't believe me, Gwena will end up...taking care of things, as you put it, anyway_, I thought at her.

:_Damn it, Jaelle,_: she returned:_you're taking a risk! Kantor is getting nervous:_

I glanced at Kantor. He was practically glaring at me. I shifted my gaze to Alberich and found that glazed look in his eyes.

_A first-stage Truth Spell will only show him if I'm telling the truth,_ I thought. _It can't make me reveal anything._

:_Kantor is not happy with this,_: she replied in a tone that more than suggested that neither was she.

_Then tell him to convince Alberich that he's a good judge of character, _I thought back, _because if Alberich is half as cautious as the books made him out to be, he probably would have cast the Spell anyways._

A moment later, Alberich blinked and focused his gaze on me. "Confident, my Companion is," and he cast Kantor a strange, sideways glance, "that the Spell is unnecessary."

"Very well," I replied, and took a deep breath. "I know all of this must seem so strange to you, and even threatening, how I know Marin...and you."

"Indeed," he replied in a clipped tone. "An explanation I desire."

I smiled sadly. "An explanation you shall have." And in quiet tones, I told him what had happened to me, from the day Elspeth had showed up on my doorstep until now. Of course, I left out all reference to the books, and to my knowing the future, and was deliberately ambiguous as to the role of the Companions in what had taken place. Once I had finished, I sat silent, waiting for his reaction.

He looked at me for a long moment. "An interesting tale, this."

"And your Companion?" I asked, glancing at Kantor. "What does he say?"

Alberich looked at him. "The truth you tell."

I searched his eyes, but found them unreadable. "And what do you say?"

He was silent for a long moment, just observing me. "Many questions, your tale answers. How I feel as though I know you, for instance. How came you by Marin's dagger." He tilted his head ever so slightly. "Some questions I may have, but with my Companion, I agree."

I breathed a sigh of relief at those words, and looked once more at Alberich. "What will you do?"

He shook his head. "I know not."

I nodded my understanding, and then smiled at him. "I've missed talking with you."

His features softened a bit. "Speak often, did we?"

I laughed softly as the memories returned. "Well, after you dragged me off to your class, I think it was inevitable!" My laughter faded into a warm smile. "You told me you knew what it was to be a foreigner in a strange land."

"So I do," he replied, and then adjusted his position against the tree. "Treven, I presume, knows not who you are?"

At the mention of Treven's name, my smile faded completely, and I glanced down. "No," I confessed. Tears sprung to my eyes as Treven's voice rang once more in my mind. "He was very angry with me after he talked to you earlier."

"Blame him, do you?" Alberich asked.

I shook my head in mute denial and then looked up, brushing tears away. "I love Treven, and I'd rather die than hurt him." I pulled up a corner of my tunic to wipe my face. "I just—I never thought it would get to this. I never thought it mattered that he didn't know who I really was. We loved each other after all. What else was there? And he was gone so much of the time anyway." The past and all my choices suddenly seemed illuminated by a clarity I'd never before possessed, and the realization that lay within took my breath away. Drawing my knees to my chest, I buried my face in my arms. "I have been such a fool," I cried softly. "Our entire relationship is founded on a lie, and I _thought _it_ didn't matter!_" I glanced up at him. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"Afraid you were," Alberich replied, "perhaps of losing him. But truth—always truth—is necessary."

"I have to tell him," I said with determination. And the sooner, the better. I rose from where I had been sitting and dusted off my clothes. "Will you inform the Circle of what I've told you?" I asked.

"Uncertain," Alberich replied, likewise rising. "Consult with my Companion, I must."

"Of course," I said, and then stepped forward to lay a hand on his arm. "You were wise before, and I will trust your judgm—"

A shrill equine scream tore through our part of the Field, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. A second later, Kantor was on his feet, but he'd no more than turned about when a female Companion came crashing into our copse, her eyes wide with fear. It took me a moment to recognize her.

"Althea," Alberich stated, just as my mind supplied me with her name.

"Oh, dear God," I whispered. "Althea, what is it?"

She was pawing the ground and prancing in place, and it was evident that Kantor was trying to calm her, but it didn't appear to me that it was working.

"Her Chosen," Alberich said in somber tones. "She has lost him."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you all for your patience, and for all of your reviews and comments. They mean a lot to me! This is a short chapter, but after so long, I'm just happy to get something down in print!

**Worlds Apart**

Chapter Eight

Shaking my head in mute denial, I could only stand there and stare at Alberich. "No," I whispered, when I finally found my voice. "No, please, not again. I can't lose him again."

But Alberich wasn't paying me any attention. He was focused entirely on Althea, whose behaviour was beginning to truly frighten me. He reached up and grabbed her forelock and _pulled, _twisting her head until she had no choice but to look at him.

"The. Bell. Rings. Not."

He spoke each word with such conviction, Althea stopped trying to fight his hold on her. For a moment, I wasn't sure what he was talking about until he repeated the words to her.

"If dead your Chosen was, the Bell would ring," he added.

Of course. The Death Bell. I hadn't even thought of that, and apparently, neither had Althea. She seemed to have calmed herself—and the fear pounding my heart also subsided a bit—and Alberich let go of her.

"Reach him, can you?" he asked.

She shook her head in response, and Alberich's eyes got that familiar, faraway look. I turned to Althea.

"What happened?"

:_I went to look for him_: she replied, her mindvoice still shaky:_and I couldn't find him. He'd been blocking me out, so I went deeper to try to discover where he was. That was when I realized that I couldn't sense him at all.:_

"How is that possible?" I asked.

_:I don't know!_: she cried, tossing her head and trotting about restlessly.

"Well, where is he?" I burst out, glancing from her to Alberich to Kantor. "What do you mean, you've lost him?"

"Dead, he is not," Alberich replied, looking at Althea. "In your heart he is, but not in your mind, yes?"

:_I cannot sense my Chosen!_: she wailed.

It was hardly an answer to Alberich's question, but her words brought forth in my mind a memory from one of the books.

After Kris had been killed, and Talia imprisoned, some interesting things about magic had been mentioned. Ancar's magic had kept the Heralds from knowing that Kris was dead. It also kept Talia from mindspeaking, but it couldn't block her bond with Rolan, nor could it be used to read her thoughts.

What if magic—real magic—were somehow involved in this? Hulda had managed to survive in the Palace for all those years without anyone realizing she was a mage. What was there to say that it wasn't magic that had taken Treven away? If that were the case—

My heart stopped in dread fear. The only reason Talia had been able to maintain her bond with Rolan was because they were bonded on such a deep level. They were literally unable to block each other out.

_But Althea_, I thought. She had just said that Treven _had_ blocked her out earlier. They didn't have the strong bond that Talia and Rolan shared. What if Treven really were dead, and Althea just couldn't sense it? What if someone _had_ used magic to keep the other Heralds from knowing that Treven was dead, the way Ancar's magicians had done for Kris?

"No," I whispered, fighting off tears. "Please, no."

The sound of a swiftly-indrawn breath made me glance up to see Alberich pulling himself up on Kantor's back.

"Quickly, come," he ordered.

Althea knelt, and I mounted, and before I could question what was happening, we set off towards the Palace. Alberich dismounted before Kantor had even come to a halt, and I ungracefully followed suit, dashing to keep up with him as he adeptly wove his way through the corridors. Belatedly, I realized that he was leading me to the Herald's Wing, and a moment later, we stopped in front of my suites.

There were several other Heralds gathered around the door, all of whom directed troubled glances towards me. Without a word, I pushed past them, making my way into my suites.

I audibly gasped at the sight that awaited me. It looked as though a tornado had ripped through the suites, upending every piece of furniture and tearing or breaking anything in its path. I turned back to the group of Heralds, speechless.

One of them just shook her head. "We don't know. According to anyone whose been in the vicinity of these suites for the past candlemark, no one has heard a thing, let alone witnessed this disaster."

I looked back over what had once been my suites, gathering my courage and stepping into the strike zone, as it were. As I walked among the shattered furnishings, I was struck with the strangest sense that something wasn't right. I tried to shake it off—was this ground zero site not bad enough as it was?—but it wouldn't leave me. About the third time around the rooms, it finally hit me.

_The walls,_ I thought, looking at them with renewed interest. The walls were perfectly undamaged. How could it be that the whole room could be destroyed, but the walls not have a scratch on them, or have even one hanging skewed or off-center?

I made my way back to the bedroom only to find the same situation there.

_Very odd._

I was just turning to leave, to make my way out the main room to tell the other Heralds of my observation when I noticed that the trunk in which I had stored my clothes and articles from America still stood intact and perfectly placed in its corner as though nothing had happened. A sudden, unexplained fear seized my heart and I quickly moved over to it, lifting the lid and reaching down into the neatly folded clothes.

I pulled them out, indiscriminately tossing them onto the wreckage of our bedroom. My hand flew to my mouth to cover a startled cry as I reached the bottom of the trunk.

All of my articles—photos, books, Stefan's journal—they were all missing.

I just stared into the empty trunk, unable to breathe. The edges of my vision began to darken, and a panic seized my heart. Treven was gone, possibly dead, and someone had taken great pains to destroy our suites, but at that moment, only one phrase was going through my mind, repeating itself like a litany.

_Oh, bloody hell._

I knew, however, that no prayers would be able to save me now.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I'm surprised at myself, getting another chapter done so soon, but I've had a breakthrough, so this is good.

**Worlds Apart**

Chapter Nine

As I stood there in the midst of the wreckage of my suites, I couldn't believe that it had only been that morning when Treven and I had woken up in each other's arms. It seemed an eternity. I turned to go back to the main room, feeling more alone than I had in years. With Althea in her distressed state, I knew I would be the one to comfort her, rather than the other way around.

I didn't know what to do. Everything felt so out-of-control, I was tempted just to flee to Gwena and make her erase my memories so that I could just forget this whole disaster. Deep down, however, I knew that would only make things worse. Treven would still be lost, and given the loss of my things, I would be in no condition to help figure out the mystery.

What I needed was a good night's sleep and a fresh perspective on things. It was only the afternoon, however, and I had the feeling that it would be a while before I could rest.

"We'll find you a new suite," one of the Heralds said, as I left, "and we'll post a guard as well."

"Thank you," I replied.

I stood there as they started discussing theories about what had happened, both to the rooms and to Treven. It hadn't taken long for the news of his disappearance to spread. I turned to tell them about the walls, but felt a sudden compulsion to remain silent. I couldn't explain it, but I obeyed it. I could always tell them later if I felt it necessary, but I knew from long experience not to ignore those kinds of feelings.

I watched as everyone began to disperse, uncertain of what to do next. I supposed that I could try to salvage what I could while I waited for a new suite to be readied.

"Stay, I will," Alberich said to the remaining Heralds.

We were soon left alone.

"Why are you staying?" I asked.

"Until we know what has happened, safe you are not," he replied.

Well, that was a no-brainer, but feeling as though I had no brain left after the events of the day, it didn't surprise me that I wasn't thinking straight. I went back into my suites and heard Alberich following.

"The Circle will meet," he said. "Most likely, questions for you they will have."

"I understand," I replied, sifting through the debris for usable clothes for both myself and Lucia. Alberich started to help, and I smiled my thanks at him.

As I carefully pushed aside bits of broken furniture, I came upon one of Treven's tunics, a dark blue one—his favorite article of non-Whites clothing.

"Oh, Treven," I cried softly. My desire to cling to my past seemed so childish in light of his life. I looked up at Alberich. "Where could he be? How could this have happened, and no one know anything about it?"

"I do not know," he replied, "but strange, it is." He looked around the room. "The two, I am certain, are connected somehow." He looked at me. "Also, the thief, remember. Gone he is, and no one knows that mystery, either.

"Stranger still," he continued, "are the walls. Notice, do you, that they are undamaged?"

I swallowed a sigh, and nodded. I should have known better than to think that such a thing would escape Alberich's notice. "But what does it mean?" I asked. Though I felt the compulsion to keep silent on the subject, I figured that I might as well enlist his opinion on the matter.

His eyes narrowed as he glanced around the room once more. "Deliberate this was. And carefully done. The question," he added, looking once more at me, "is not how, but _who_?"

Who, indeed. With a heavy heart, I returned to my task.

/-----/

I was transferred to a new suite about an hour later, and a Herald-guard was posted at the door, and another Herald brought Lucia back. Once the mayhem had started, Lucia had been kept out of harm's way, and only now brought home when it was deemed safe.

She flew straight to my arms, and I held her for a long moment.

"Thank you," I said to the Herald who had escorted her from Healer's. He nodded once and, smiling at Lucia, left us alone.

"Where is he?" Lucia asked. "What happened?"

I told her what I knew, which wasn't much, and she just looked at me.

"You feel guilty, Mama," she stated. "Why?"

I hid a tired smile. With a child-Empath, I never lacked for blunt, discerning questions. "We had a fight this morning, sweetling. The last time we saw each other, we were very angry with one another."

Lucia just wrapped her arms around my neck. "I wish that thief had never seen you."

Perceptive of her, to trace back all our problems to the thief—though, admittedly, it was hardly a secret. "I know," I said, holding her close. "Me, too."

"I'm tired, Mama," she said, pulling back. "I'm going to take a nap. So should you." And with that, she released me and went into the bedroom and closed the door.

I couldn't help but smile in her wake. The more time she spent at Healer's, the more she took on the demeanor of one. She was right, however, I thought, stifling a yawn. I could use a nap. I moved over to the low couch, and stretched out on it, reaching for the knitted blanket draped over the back. I pulled it down and spread it over myself. Tears filled my eyes at the thought of Treven. Where was he? Was he in pain? Was he even alive? They trickled down the sides of my face, into my hair. I was so tired. I closed my eyes, and with one deep breath, I felt myself relax, and soon was ushered into a comfortable darkness.

The darkness of sleep soon gave way to the light of dreams, and I found myself in a nondescript place, but one that seemed so real, I felt as though I were awake and actually there. But where I was, I could not tell. I looked around the colorless, shapeless spot, a vast canvas spreading before me. From the distance, I could see something moving, coming closer to me, and at a respectable speed. Moments later, it took form: solid and white and with a distinctive rhythm to its approach. As it drew closer, I could see that it was a horse.

No, a Companion.

It—he—stopped in front of me, prancing in place for a moment before settling down to observe me curiously, much the way, I suspected, that I was observing him.

:_Has it been so long,_: an amused voice, one full of emotion, sounded in my head:_that you've forgotten me already:_

A strangled gasp escaped from my throat as his voice—_that _voice, the one I never thought I'd hear again—rang in my mind.

"Oh, **_Landon!_**" I cried, throwing myself at him with such force, he stumbled backwards. It took me all of one drawn breath to burst into tears and cling to him, throwing my arms around his neck.

I wept without restraint into his flowing mane, wept out all of what had gone wrong since I'd moved to Haven, the tears all the more intense from seeing him again.

"I can't believe it's you," I sobbed, drawing back to look at him, though my tears distorted much of my vision. I ran my fingers through his silky mane, and touched his face, just to be certain I wasn't dreaming.

_:Well, you are dreaming,_: he said, nuzzling my cheek.

I didn't care. I threw my arms back around his neck and wept some more. But there was a peace in his touch that hadn't been there when we'd last been together, and my tears subsided, and soon, I was able to draw back and blow my nose and wipe my eyes on a corner of my tunic.

"How can you be here, Landon?" I asked, reaching once more for him, touching his velvety soft nose. "After I...went back...you—you _weren't_."

_:A soul never really dies_: Landon said. He nodded, pointing with his nose at a point behind me.

Turning, I softly gasped as a gentle light illuminated a corner of this dream-place, showing an image of green, rolling hills under sunny skies, dotted with trees and wildflowers, a sparkling river slowing weaving its way among the hills. It gave off a feeling of living joy and peace so strongly, I would have given anything to have been there—and started to move towards it. My feet, however, seemed stuck to the ground, and tears of frustration filled my eyes.

Through those tears, I noticed someone approaching, and blinking them away, I saw the most beautiful, angelic lady I'd ever beheld walking up the hill nearest to me. As she approached the crest, it became evident that she was not alone. On one side of her was a small child, holding her dress, and she carried a bundle in her arms, close to her breast.

My eyes widened as I recognized the girl as Kyrah, and the other—I instinctively knew that the bundle in her arms was Elspeth's baby.

"Oh, Landon," I breathed, looking at him. "Is this where you live?"

_:Yes,_: he replied.

"But—but you're Yfandes," I said, remembering. "How can you—"

_:Anything is possible:_ he interrupted. :_Especially when you're dead.:_

"And Kyrah is all right?" I turned back to the heavenly scene, the sight blurred by new tears.

Landon's laughter echoed in my mind. :_She is more than all right. She dwells in the midst of Love Itself.:_

A sudden thought struck me. "And my baby?" I asked, tears streaming down.

Landon nuzzled my cheek once more. _:She is here as well.:_

A girl. Our unborn baby was a girl.

The scene softly faded, and I felt as though my heart would break. "Why didn't you come before?" I asked. "I've missed you so much."

_:You didn't need me before,_: he replied.

"And I need you now?" I asked.

:_Yes,_: he replied. _:Both you and Treven are in danger, and your earlier suppositions were correct. It is magic.:_

"But how?" I cried. "Why? Are you sure?"

_:I know a thing or two about magic,_: he returned wryly, _:but you mustn't say a word about it to any of the Heralds—for reasons I think I need not mention.:_

Aside from the fact that Rolan had forbidden me to speak about the future, the Heralds didn't know anything about magic (yet), and even if they did, the books had said that they couldn't even speak the _word_. "I don't think they'd believe me anyway," I replied. Here I was, to all appearances a former innkeeper from Berrybay, and un-Gifted and un-Chosen at that. They'd think I was nuts.

"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked. "Where is Treven?" Tears came to my eyes. "Is he dead?"

Landon stepped forward a pace and nuzzled my cheek. _:I'm sorry. I don't know.:_

"But—"

_:I'm not omniscient, you know. Just dead.:_

The tears slid down my cheeks, and I once more wrapped my arms around his neck.

_:Jaelle,_: Landon said somberly, _:you should have destroyed all of your things from your world, and done so before you ever came to Haven.:_

I pulled away from him to look in his eyes. "They're missing. My things, I mean."

_:I know,_: he replied, _:and somehow, that's a significant part of what's going on.:_

"This doesn't make any sense," I said.

_:We'll figure it out:_ he said. _:After all, if we can decode those damned papers of Nestor's, this should be simple.:_

I had the sudden remembrance of him, disfiguring his face against the window as we worked on Nestor's papers, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, Landon, I've missed you so much."

_:And I've missed you:_ he replied, gently whuffing into my hair. :_But I must go now.:_

I clung to him, determined not to release him, but with a soft chuckle, he was suddenly ten feet away from me. The heavenly scene that had been behind me, now appeared before me, beyond Landon. I could _hear_ the laughter and the singing of those who were there, and all I knew in my life faded before the sight I beheld.

"Take me with you," I whispered, as he turned to go. I wanted to hold my baby in my arms and never let her go.

Landon looked over his shoulder, and I felt a wave of love envelop me. _:It's not your time, dearheart. Take courage, and remember: I am always with you.:_

The world around me dissolved once more into darkness and tears.


	10. Chapter 10

I can't believe it's been almost nine months since I've updated! Time flies. Really, really fast, and whether you're having fun or not! It's a short chapter, but at least it's a chapter. Or so I tell myself.

**Chapter Ten **

The following day, I returned to my suites, bodyguards stationing themselves outside the doors, while Lucia was in class, and sat down in the middle of the wreckage to ponder what Landon had told me.

I was still emotionally overwhelmed whenever I thought of him, and of seeing him, even if it had been in a dream. It was still real, which made Landon real—and Kyrah, and the baby, and, thus, by implication, everyone I had known Before. That knowledge gave me a peace and filled a void that had been all-too-gaping for so long.

Putting thoughts of Landon aside (and the excitement of seeing him again), I focused instead on what he had said: magic was involved, and my American things were somehow significant to the whole mystery. For the life of me, I could not imagine what those two things had in common.

A slight knock on the lintel made me look up to find Alberich standing there. "Disturbing you, am I?"

Shaking my head, I gestured for him to join me. "I'm just trying to understand what—how—this all happened." I looked up at him as he moved towards me. "You don't have any ideas, do you?"

Alberich looked around the room for a long moment. "For certain, nothing," he said, "but to wager, I would say the thief it is." He looked at me. "Skilled enough he was to escape, skilled enough he may have been to such careful destruction."

With a heavy sigh, I rose to my feet. "But why would such a skilled man be resorting to simple thievery?" I asked. "And why risk being captured again—why not just escape? Why take Treven—a Herald—captive?"

"Many thieves have such skill," Alberich replied, crossing the room to examine the untouched wall up close. "It is what makes them competent as thieves. A Herald we have now who was such before his Choosing." He straightened and turned towards me. "And vengeance, a motive often is."

But how did magic fit into it? I wondered, as I started to separate the remnants of my suites into "salvageable" and "hopeless." I wished I could talk to Alberich about it; he certainly saw his share of it in Karse, and no doubt could contribute a viable theory. Given Rolan's instruction, however, and the presence of the vrondi (or whatever it was that kept people from talking about magic), I would have to wait for Landon.

"Have you decided if you will inform the Circle of what I've told you?" I asked. I glanced up from my work to find Alberich staring at me with intense scrutiny.

"I think not," he finally replied. "My Companion wishes it not, and his judgment in this I will trust, though he does not tell me why."

"Why what?" I asked.

"Why it is the Circle must not know," he replied.

"Oh," I said softly, and I could not keep his eyes. I turned, instead, to a mutilated tunic that wasn't even fit for the rag bag. It went on top of the "hopeless" pile.

"Know you this, I think," he stated.

"Yes," I admitted, "but I do not know if I am at liberty to say it."

"Best then to say nothing," he conceded, and then made his way towards the door. "Selenay wishes to see you today, when convenient it is for you."

I felt my heart stop for a moment, my hand frozen in mid-reach for a broken chair. I looked up at Alberich. "The queen wants to see me?" I wasn't sure I could handle that right now. Just the idea of being around the Court made me ill.

"Upset she is over Herald Treven," he replied, "and concerned for you and your little. Asked me, she did, when she knew I was coming here, to speak to you."

I looked helplessly around the room, searching for an excuse. "I have nothing to wear to see the queen."

"Informal it is, this meeting," Alberich said, "and go you may this evening, after evening meal, when things are quieter."

I nodded. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, then. "Thank you, Master Alberich. I'll do that. And thank you for—" I couldn't finish the sentence for lack of a way to express how much his confidence—in Kantor, if not myself—meant to me.

"Understood," he replied, and with another long look, he turned and left me alone in the rubble—an uncanny image of my life mirrored back at me. I may not be able to solve my inner turmoil, but at least I could fix the exterior disaster. With a sigh, I returned to my work.


	11. Chapter 11

Finally, an update!

**Chapter Eleven**

It was much later that evening when I was escorted to Selenay's chambers by one of my Herald-guards. Lucia was asleep, and Herald Lilith had volunteered to keep watch over her while I was away. As we entered the queen's chambers, she was sitting at her desk, surrounded by papers, intently writing. There was a tray of half-eaten food to one side, and an open bottle of wine.

My heart was pounding, and I was thankful for Selenay's busyness as it gave me a moment both to compose and prepare myself for the sight of her—she, who did not know who I was.

She looked tired. The circlet of gold that normally adorned her brow was set aside, and her golden hair was disheveled, as if she'd run her fingers through it more than once. But she looked young, and strong, and I knew that she was as prepared to face her challenges here as she had been Before.

We'd only been standing there for a moment when she looked up and smiled politely, pushing her chair back to rise and greet us even as we bowed to her.

"Thank you for coming," she said, and I could hear the weariness of a long day in her voice. She moved around to the front of her desk, though her attention was still focused on the parchment in her hand. She glanced up from it and met my eyes. "I'm sorry to take you away from your daughter, but I—"

She broke off, staring at me.

"Have we met before?" Selenay asked, her brow furrowed.

I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. "No, Your Majesty."

"I feel as though I know you, or at least have seen you somewhere."

I smiled, a little sadly. "I've never been to Haven before, Majesty. I've lived in Berrybay my whole life. Perhaps you've been there?"

She shook her head. "No." She regarded me for a long moment. "I don't know what it is." She breathed out a soft laugh. "Perhaps we knew each other in another life." She turned back to her desk before I could respond, which was just as well, as her casual statement took the breath from my lungs, and left me speechless. Putting the parchment down, she faced me once more. "I called you here to let you know personally that I have both the guards and the Heralds searching for Treven. We _will_ find him, Jaelle, I promise you."

"Thank you, Majesty," I replied.

Once more, she just looked at me, as if weighing whether she should speak. "I will confess to you, this troubles me deeply. That a Herald could just disappear, and his own Companion not know if he is living or dead..."

Tears filled my eyes. "I know. It troubles me as well." I glanced down, biting my lip to contain my emotions. "I wish—I wish we were lifebonded. Being in the dark like this—" Treven's loss washed over me afresh. "I just want him found."

Selenay reached out and took my hand. "I am so sorry, Jaelle. I know you've had to endure so much, with the loss of your child, and the escape of your attacker—and we _still_ don't know how _that_ happened," she added, her tone heavy with annoyance. She pulled me towards a couch. "Come, sit down for a moment. I know you need to get back to Lucia, and I need to return to my work, but I think we both could stand to take a few moments." She nodded to the Herald-guard, and he withdrew from her chamber as she poured two goblets of wine.

Handing one to me, she sat down next to me on the couch. "You look worn out."

I smiled slightly. "I've spent most of the day going through the wreckage of our suites, finding whatever was salvageable." I took a sip of the wine. "There wasn't much."

Selenay shook her head. "I don't understand how that kind of destruction could have been enacted without anyone knowing." Swallowing some of her own wine, she gazed intently at me. "Is there _anything_ you can tell me that might help us find Treven?"

I blinked back fresh tears. "We had a fight yesterday. Things . . . have been stressful since we lost the baby. He left our suites angry," I said, "angry enough to block out Althea, and he rarely does that. When she tried to reach him a little later, she couldn't sense him. But I don't understand how that can be!"

_Unless it was magic_, my mind replied, and I was again reminded of how Ancar had used magic to keep the Heralds from knowing that Kris was dead. But Hulda was long gone from Valdemar, and the books never said anything about anyone else having mage abilities.

"Do you have any idea where he might have gone?" asked Selenay. "Any favorite place he might go when he's upset?"

I shook my head. "No." A tear splashed onto my hand. "This is going to sound strange, but Treven and I haven't spent much time together. Most of our courtship was done by letter. I was in Berrybay, and he was on circuit—" I set the goblet down, buried my face in my hands, and burst into tears.

I heard the rustling of fabric, and felt Selenay's arms around me. "We'll find him," she whispered. "I don't understand it myself, but I have Kyril and Teren combing through the old texts, looking for anything that might explain why the bond between Treven and Althea is interrupted."

With a nod and a deep breath, I pulled myself together. "I'm sorry. I'm just so tired and afraid."

"I understand that perfectly," replied Selenay. "Why don't you go get some rest? I promise I'll let you know as soon as we have any information."

"Thank you," I said, rising from the couch, smiling my gratitude, even though I knew there was little the Heralds could do. It was magic at work, and if there was something in the old texts to explain what had happened, their eyes would just skip over it—or so the books had claimed.

"I really do feel like I've known you," said Selenay. "If you ever want to talk, please know that you are always welcome here."

With another smile and a nod, I let myself out, and followed my Herald-guard back to my suites. Relieving Herald Lilith, I got ready for bed. Perhaps Landon would meet me tonight in my dreams. Perhaps he would know something tonight. I climbed into bed, hoping.

But the waking bell drew me from a dreamless sleep to consciousness and disappointment. I prepared Lucia for her classes. The Heralds were taking no chances: between the thief's escape and Treven's disappearance, safety was their primary concern, and all our meals were being hand-delivered by Heralds straight from the kitchens. If they lost us, I'd heard whispered, it wouldn't be to poisoning.

I was grateful for the precautions, both for Lucia's sake, and for the fact that I didn't have the emotional strength to face the stares and the questions right now.

Once breakfast was over, I and our guard escorted Lucia to Healer's for her morning classes. It was a beautiful day, and while I still had a lot of belongings to sort through in our wrecked suites, the thought of spending an entire day holed up in there was suddenly sickening.

"Do you mind if I take a walk in the Field?" I asked my guard. "The Companions could protect me well enough, and I'm sure you could use a break."

He smiled at me. "I'm sure that will be fine. I'll call my Companion and have him alert the others to keep an eye on you. He'll tell me when you're ready to return and I'll meet you back here."

"Thank you," I said, and we headed for the Field. His Companion met us at the fence, and I climbed over. "Could you point me in the direction where Althea is?" I asked him.

He pawed at the ground and nodded over my shoulder.

"She's in the Grove," my guard told me.

"Thanks," I replied, and set out. It didn't take me long to get there, and there were several other Companions, including Gwena, in the Grove in addition to Althea. Althea looked much better than she had yesterday, and most of the madness was gone from her eyes. But she still wasn't herself.

I placed a hand on her withers. "How are you, Althea?"

:_How should I be_?: she said waspishly, jerking herself away from my touch.

I took a step back, unprepared for the force of her tone.

:_This is _your _fault_,: she continued. :_None of this would have happened if you'd just been honest with Treven. But no, you care more about yourself than you do about him!_:

"That is _not_ true!"

:_Isn't it_?: she shot back. :_Your memories are more precious to you than he is! I'd read them myself if they'd let me!_: And she cast a withering glare at Gwena and the others before turning back to me, snorting and stamping her feet. :_Dammit, Jaelle, what do you know? I _know _you know things you aren't telling! Things from your past, from—_: She broke off, but I knew what she had been about to say.

_From the books._

"Nothing!" I cried. "I know nothing! Do you really think that I would sacrifice Treven for the sake my memories? He is my husband!"

:_And he is my Chosen_,: she snapped back:_which supercedes whatever pathetic bond _you _may have with him._:

My breath caught in my throat, and I felt as though I'd been slapped. But Althea didn't seem the least bit sorry for any of her words. I was looking into the eyes of a stranger, and one who would have cheerfully torn and trampled me to pieces if she thought any benefit would derive from it. For a long moment, I couldn't find my voice, and when I did, it was subdued, almost timid.

"Neither of you are in—" I broke off, mindful of the presence of the other Companions. "I don't know _anything_."

Althea made a noise that sounded something like a growl, but before she could do more, Gwena paced forward and stood between her and me. There was a moment of profound stillness before Althea turned away.

:_Stupid cow_,: I heard her grumble. I wasn't sure if she was talking about me or Gwena.

"Althea," I cried, just as she was leaving the Grove, "I would give up everything I ever _was_ to have him back!"

She never even paused, and in a moment, disappeared from my sight.

I let out a shaky breath, my muscles trembling so much, I sank to my knees, lest they give out altogether. Burying my face in my hands, I started to weep. From fear, from guilt, from despair. But mostly from the sense of hopelessness that washed over me.

:_It's not your fault,_: came Gwena's voice, piercing the storm of my thoughts. :_But I don't think it would be wise for you to return here. Althea is...not herself._:

That much was obvious. Nodding, I rose from my knees, and let one of the Companions escort me from the Grove. Until I saw Alberich waiting for me, I hadn't realized it was Kantor.

"Escort you back, I will," he said to me.

I stared at him for a heartbeat, and then, before I knew what I was doing, threw myself into his arms and burst into fresh tears.

I felt his arms wrap around me for a moment, and then heard his voice in my ear. "Enough, it is. Hurt you are, but tears will not Treven find." His gentle tone, however, belied the harshness of his words, and I pulled back, nodding.

"I know," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Apologies unnecessary," replied Alberich. "Told me, Kantor did, of what Althea said to you." He produced a handkerchief and handed it to me. "Harsh, she was."

I didn't know how to respond to that, and we continued toward the palace in silence. _Wasn't_ it my fault? Wasn't Althea right? Landon's words came back to me, his chiding at my neglect to destroying my things. If I hadn't valued those possessions that tied me back to my world, none of this would be happening. It didn't matter how those things were connected to Treven's disappearance. They _were_, and all the regrets in the world weren't going to change things.

Treven was still missing.


	12. Chapter 12

What do you know? Another update. Thank you all for the reviews, and for your patience. I've never let a story go this long unfinished here before. Mundanely, things have been rather crazy these past many months, but I'm writing again, and I really hope to finish this soon.

**Chapter Twelve**

Hours later, my neck was sore, and my eyes tired. I was still sitting in the midst of rubble, but now, it was separated into what was staying and what was going.

There was very little staying.

Picking up my glass of water, I drank deeply from it before gathering some things to take to the new suites. I still felt shaken from my earlier encounter with Althea, and I was torn between being angry with her, and being afraid of her. Thank God she didn't have hands, or I'd be installing double locks on the doors and rigging burglar alarms of strings and bells.

Her reaction shouldn't surprise me, I realized as I headed to my new rooms. In the books, Yfandes was absolutely livid when Van was taken from her. Still...she hadn't tried to kill Stefan. She didn't even take her anger out on him.

My words to Althea returned to haunt me, and I dumped my armful of clothes on the couch, plopping down beside it.

_I would give up everything I ever _was _to have him back!_

Weariness washed over me, and I closed my eyes, resting my head against the mound of clothing. Did I truly mean that? Would I truly relinquish my real identity if it meant that Treven could be found?

In the scales of my mind, I weighed my past against my future. The idea of parting with who I was, was painful. More than painful. Soul-wrenching. But Treven . . . my future, my love. To lose him would be more than soul-wrenching. It would be death itself. Especially when there was the chance that I could have saved him.

I knew then that I had to stop looking and living in the past. I was never going home, and it was no kind of a life for me to continue living there mentally. My life was here. My future was here. And I had to choose one or the other, and I had to give all of myself to it.

There really was no choice. And that left me with only one option.

I had to tell Gwena that magic was involved.

I would lose all that I was, but it might help to get Treven back. I had to live for my future, not my past.

Tears slipped down my cheeks as I reclined on the couch. I was so tired, and I needed a nap before I went to face Gwena. I felt myself pulled into darkness almost as soon as I closed my eyes.

The darkness soon gave way to light and the familiar sound of horse hooves. As soon as Landon was near, I threw my arms about his neck.

"I'm so glad to see you," I whispered. "I've had an awful day."

:_I know,_: he replied. :_I understand Althea's feelings, but she was out of line to be angry with you like that.:_

"I'm scared, Landon," I confessed. "I'm scared of all of it. I'm scared of Althea, I'm scared of what happened to Treven. I'm just—"

:_I know_,: he said. _:Do you know anything new that will help us figure this out?:_

I shook my head. "No, but . . . I think I know something that might help."

:_What_?:

I drew back from him to look in his eyes. "Earlier today, I told Althea I would give up everything I ever was to have Treven back."

There was a long moment of silence, and I knew that Landon had understood what I was saying. :_Would you?_: he finally asked. _:Would you really?:_

"Yes," I whispered.

:_Good,_: he said, though there was a wistful sadness in his eyes. :_It's the only way you'll be able to find Treven._:

"They'll take away _all_ of my memories, Landon. Even the ones of you."

_:I know._: Tears filled my eyes, and he nudged me with his nose. :_It's the only choice you can make, Jaelle. From the moment we met on the banks of the river that morning, I knew you were a survivor. No matter what life has thrown at you, you've made the choice to adapt, to survive. And you must continue making that choice. For Treven. For yourself._:

"Where is he?" I cried.

:_I don't know_,: he replied. :_I don't even know if he's alive. Dead, not omniscient, remember? I just know that you won't find him at all if you hang onto your past._:

I threw my arms around him once more, unable to stem the tears. "Will I see you again?"

:_I don't know,_: he answered. :_That all depends on Gwena. But I do know that what you know as life is not the end. If I don't you on this side of eternity, I will see you on the next.:_

Gathering my strength, I pulled back and wiped my eyes on my tunic, and tried to focus on the problem at hand. "I just wish I knew what my old books and photos have to do with magic, and what any of that has to do with Treven."

:_It's not just old books, Jaelle,_: Landon replied. :_It's your toothbrush and mp3 player...:_

"What?" I cried. "I threw those things into the river!"

_:I know. But I don't think they stayed there.:_

That certainly added a new dimension to the puzzle. "The only way they could have been pulled out was by magic," I mused. "Hulda is gone, and the vrondi are supposed to make it impossible for anyone Mage-Gifted to stick around for long."

_:They never stopped Hulda,_: Landon pointed out.

"Yes," I conceded, "but how much magic did she really do? It's been so long since I've read the books, I can't remember. I don't think it was a whole lot, though." I started pacing. "So someone used magic to pull my things from the river. Which must mean that someone saw me throw them into the river. And then there's the mystery of how the suites were destroyed and Treven taken without anyone hearing a sound, and without the walls being disturbed."

:_That was definitely magic,_: Landon said. _:Whoever did it, turned your suites into a workroom of some sort, and put up some heavy protections on the walls.:_

"But what about the vrondi?"

_:He must have very good mental control to keep their 'watchfulness' at bay.:_

"But who?" I asked. "And why?"

:_The thief, of course_,: Landon replied. :_He just disappeared from his cell, by all accounts. No one could do that without magic._:

"But he was just a random thief!" I said. "Maybe he had an accomplice."

:_Everyone who had anything to do with his trial or imprisonment was Truth-Spelled_,: Landon said. :_No one had a part in helping him escape._: He stepped forward and nudged me with his nose. :_Perhaps he wasn't so random as you think._:

"All right, then," I conceded. "Let's assume you're right. Let's assume the thief is behind everything strange that's happened. If he's not random, then it was no accident that we met in the marketplace, and no accident that he tried to kill me. Why? And why kidnap Treven? And what could he possibly want with the things I threw in the river? They're useless pieces of junk!"

_:I don't have any answers,_: Landon replied. :_I was sent because you need my help, but I don't seem to be of much help to you. And I don't even know if I'll see you again._: His mindvoice was heavy with sorrow.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I buried my face in his mane. "Just having you here is help to me, Landon. Even if we never see each other again." I pulled away sadly, blinking back tears. "I think I should go now, and talk to Gwena."

:_As Alberich would say, 'Enough, it is.'_: A ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, and I could see the amusement I felt mirrored in Landon's eyes. Both our smiles faded, however, and rubbing his nose on my cheek, Landon stepped back, his eyes now luminous and his coat glowing. :_Goodbye, Jaelle. I will never forget you._: Turning, he trotted into a light that enveloped him and slowly dissipated into darkness.

I could only hope that I could say the same.

/////-------/////

After a light supper, Herald Lilith came to take Lucia to play with her children, and I set out for the Field. My guard had just left for his own supper, and I slipped out before his replacement could arrive. It was shoddy soldiering on their part, but I truly didn't mind. I was tired of being shadowed, and it was a short walk to the Field.

It was a lovely evening, and the Field was dotted in white. There were Companions near the fence as I approached, and I walked up to the closest one, though I was careful to stay on the outside. While a few bars of wood were scant protection from one such as a Companion, after dealing with Althea, I felt better having _some_ sort of physical barrier between myself and the others, should she happen to show up.

"I need to speak to Gwena, please," I said to the Companion.

His ears twitched, but he said nothing in reply. A moment later, however, one of the distant white dots broke off from its group and moved towards us. As if to confirm my suspicions, the Companion next to me turned and looked over his shoulder at it, and then back at me.

"Thank you," I replied.

It didn't take long for Gwena to arrive.

"There's something I have to tell you," I said to her, "and it's not going to be easy." I really didn't like Gwena, and hadn't from almost the moment she had appeared in the books. But now was not the time for pride. And if humiliating myself in front of the entire herd of Companions was what was necessary to get Treven back, I would do it. Taking a deep breath, I buried my face in my hands for a brief moment, gathering my strength. "I would give up everything I ever was to have Treven back," I whispered. "I am certain, and so is . . . a Companion of my acquaintance . . . that magic is somehow involved in Treven's disappearance, and that somehow, it has something to do with me, and who I was Before. If the only way to find him is to break the rules that Rolan laid down for me, then I have to break those rules. And if it means that I lose myself, then so be it."

Gwena seemed taken aback, but she quickly recovered. :_Who is this Companion?:_ she demanded.

"His name is Landon," I replied. "He was from the time when I was here . . . before. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but . . ."

_:You're telling me that you're communicating with a Companion from the other Valdemar?: _Gwena asked, her voice thick with doubt. _:How is that possible?:_

"How am I supposed to know?" I shot back. "You're the ones with all the divine secrets. You tell me!" I shook my head. "I don't know how he's contacting me. He shouldn't even _exist_, but somehow, he does."

:_Why hasn't he been in contact with us?:_ Gwena's mindvoice sounded slightly offended, as if I wasn't good enough to be the receptacle of this special Companion communication. I'd give all the gold I owned to be present in the Forest in a few years when 'Fandes let her have it.

"I don't know," I repeated. "He said he was sent because I needed help, and he said that magic was at play here."

Gwena tossed her head. :_Impossible_: she scoffed.

"No, it _isn't_," I snapped. I wanted to scream and slap her and her smug little attitude. Why did this have to happen while Rolan was away? "He's resisted the vrondi somehow."

She let out a surprised squeal, and even the other Companions took a step back at my words. _:How can you know of the vrondi?_: she demanded.

"I know everything," I stated simply. Let her digest _that_ and see how she likes it. _Probably not very well, _I thought.

_:Not for long_,: she finally replied.

"I know the risk I'm taking here," I said to her, "but you can't wipe my memories, yet. Not until we find Treven. His disappearance is tied into who I am, and if I don't have my memories, I won't be able to help find him. I won't have Landon, I won't have any of the information that I have now, that I can use to look for him. And if I don't have it, _you_ don't have it. You can afford to wait a little while longer."

Gwena didn't look convinced.

"I'm not going to broadcast it to the Collegia. I've lived this long in Valdemar, and no one has been the wiser. But it's because of who I am that Treven is gone. I have to stay who I am until he is found."

Gwena simply twitched her tail.

"Please," I added. _You can wait a few more days or weeks to play the Great Groveborn Companion Game_, I wanted to add, but knew better than to antagonize her.

_:She saved us all from the mistakes of one of our own,_: came a strong, male voice in my mind. I looked over to see Kantor pacing forward. _:You weren't there, Gwena. You don't know what it was like. She needs to retain her memories until this crisis is over, especially as magic is involved. Our Heralds cannot help us in this, and you know that._:

_:Leave her alone, Gwena,_ : came a familiar female voice, and I drew in a slight breath to see Althea approach from Gwena's other side. I took an instinctive step back from the fence. :_If it were _your _Chosen, you wouldn't even be hesitating, and if Rolan were here, we wouldn't even be having this discussion._:

Seemingly ignoring her fellow Companions, Gwena looked at me for a long moment, so still she seemed a marble statue, but for the breeze playing in her mane and tail.

_:Very well,_: she finally said. :_We will leave things as they are for now. Tell us what you know.:_

As succinctly as I could, I related to them all the information I had, from the items I had thrown into the river, to what was taken from my trunk, to the theories that Landon and I had come up with.

:_Most perplexing,_ : Kantor said when I had finished.

:_Indeed,_: Gwena replied. _:We will have to consider this carefully.:_

I looked up at the sky, noting the position of the sun on the western horizon. "I have to return. If you figure something out, please send one of your Heralds to tell me." I turned to go.

:_Jaelle_!: came Althea's voice, stopping me in mid-stride. There was something about the tone that told me she wasn't broadsending. I turned to see her step close to the fence.

Fear drove me backwards. Her words, and the memory of the hatred in her eyes was still too fresh in my mind. "I can't—" I broke off, swallowing down the lie. "I don't want to talk to you."

Turning once more, I continued on my way without a backward glance.

The post outside my door was still empty. It shouldn't have taken _that_ long for a new guard to arrive. The door was still locked, however, so I thought nothing of it, and turning the key, I pushed my way into the room. I still had some time before Lucia would return, and I determined to put away the clothing I had brought with me. Gathering an armful, I made my way into the bedroom. As I turned the corner, careful not to drop any clothes, I looked up to navigate my way around the bed.

The thief was standing there.

I let out an involuntary cry of alarm, threw the clothes at him as he reached for me, and dashed into the common room, heading for the door. I heard his muffled scream from behind me, but paid it no mind, my only thought to escape and alert someone of his presence.

As I reached the door, I heard a crash behind me, and I looked over my shoulder to see a small table lying in smoking ruins, and the thief standing over it, a pulsing ball of red energy between his hands.

Magic.

"If you don't want to end up in the same condition," he said in a deceptively soft voice, "step away from the door."

Swallowing hard, I let go of the door knob and took a small step towards him. "What do you want with me?" I asked. "What have you done with my husband?"

With a satisfied smile, the thief visibly relaxed. "Oh, nothing much," he replied casually, and without warning, threw the red ball at me.

I threw myself to the floor, but the energy hit me square in the side with a force that knocked the breath from my lungs and dragged me down into an endless darkness.

/////-----/////

I woke to more darkness and a throbbing headache, feeling trapped and unable to breathe. I reached up, feeling a burlap sack over my head. Pulling it off took the suffocating, trapped feeling with it, but I was still alone in the dark with a pounding skull. Or, I should say, semi-darkness. As my eyes adjusted, I noticed a pale, sputtering candle on the floor next to me. Picking it up, I carefully made my way around my prison wall, sliding my feet in the dirt—I must be in some outside building.

My second observation was that I was in a windowless room that stank of human waste. Was I near open sewage? The room itself was small, and I had nearly made my way around it when my foot encountered a bulky object in its path.

Frightened, I backed away and leaned over, holding the candle as close to the obstruction as I dared. I saw only shadows, so, gathering my courage, I drew back my foot and placed a well-aimed kick at it.

The resultant groan told me it was a living body, and with a gasp, I knelt beside it, running my hand over it to determine its orientation. Whoever it was, he was lying on his side, his head away from me. I moved in and brought the candle closer to his face, setting it down on the ground next to him.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

With a moan, he turned his face towards the light, and opened his eyes. "Jaelle?" came the hoarse reply.

"Oh, dear God," I whispered.

Treven.


	13. Chapter 13

Just a quick announcement (also in my profile):

I'm a member of Queen's Own, the official fan club of Mercedes Lacky, and I've been given permission to start an official fanzine.

Shadows of Winter will feature fiction, poetry, and artwork that revolves around the themes of the darker aspects of human nature (grief, suffering, loss, depression, etc).

I am looking for quality submissions, and I hope to have the first issue out in late June. SoW will be an online 'zine at first, with the potential to go to print, depending on how much interest there is in it.

Please submit! Guidelines can be found at the website: http:// www (dot) shadowsofwinter (dot) blogspot (dot) com.

On to the story:

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Treven!" I cried, and threw my arms around him. At his swift intake of breath, however, I quickly released him and pulled away. "I'm sorry! Are you hurt?"

"You could say that," came his weak reply.

The candlelight was frustratingly weak, but I was able to make out various bruises on Treven's face, and his uniform was in tatters.

"Oh, dear God, Treven," I whispered in horror, "what have they done to you?"

"Not they," he said, struggling to sit up. "Him. The thief."

I helped him to a sitting position, and he leaned back against the wall, a moan of pain escaping from his lips. "I don't understand any of this," I said. "Why is he doing this?"

Treven looked at me through eyes swollen from an evident beating. "He thinks you're a mage."

I felt an icy chill wash over me. "What?" I whispered.

"He's a mage," said Treven, "and he seems to think that you are, too."

"I—" I broke off, completely speechless, not only at Treven's announcement, but at the fact that he was talking about it. Shouldn't the vrondi have prevented him from talking about magic? "But—what—how?" I stuttered.

Treven closed his eyes and breathed for a few moments, as if searching for the strength to continue talking. "He has some strange artifacts he says are yours, says they can only belong to a mage, and that you threw them into the Terilee." He opened his eyes to look at me once more. "The incident in the marketplace...was no accident. He was trying to kill you."

"Treven..." My voice trailed off, as weak as his, stunned. I didn't even know how to begin processing the information he was telling me. "Why did he do this to you? Why did he kidnap you?"

A small, humorless smile stretched his bruised and cut lips, and he closed his eyes. "He came to our suites to kidnap you, the day we fought, and found me instead. Used magic to take me, block me from Althea." He looked at me, his gaze tortured. "How is she?"

"Frantic at first, but relatively well now," I replied.

With a sigh, he nodded. "Brought me here. Tortured me. Thought I could tell him about you." He laughed weakly. "Funny, don't you think? That _I _could tell him about _you_?"

"Treven, please," I breathed, tears filling my eyes.

"So who are you?" He asked. "A mage? Healer? Bard?" He closed his eyes. "I used to think that magic was something from legend, something from the chronicles only." Another smile tugged at his mouth. "He proved me wrong about that." And he pulled away a tatter of his uniform to reveal a long mage-inflicted burn across his torso. "So I'd appreciate it if you would just tell me the truth, so when he comes back, I can give him the answer he wants, and he can just finish me off and be done with it."

The betrayal in his voice was sharp enough to cut to my very soul. I bit back a sob. "I'm _not_ a mage," I cried.

Treven's eyes snapped open and he glared at me. "I've _seen_ the articles, Jaelle! The ones he pulled from _your_ trunk, in _our_ suites, as well as the ones he pulled from the river! You _certainly_ didn't get them in Berrybay!"

Landon was right, I realized, and the thief was a mage, and someone who had gotten around the vrondi somehow. _God help me_, I prayed. What was I to say to Treven? I opened my mouth to speak, but at that moment, the door to our prison burst open, and the thief strode in, a mage-light above his head.

"Well," he said, smugness dripping from the words, "let's have some fun, shall we?"


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for the reviews!! I hope to finish this in the next few chapters.

**Chapter Fourteen**

The pain was excruciating, robbing me of my breath, and even of coherent thought. I had lost track of time. It could have been minutes, or even hours, that I'd endured the torture. From the detached part of my mind, the place I retreated to when he was burning me, or breaking a bone, I could hear him asking questions, could hear myself answering him. I could even hear Treven screaming at him from the back of the room where he seemed to be as mysteriously bound as I was.

I was hanging somehow, by my wrists, in the middle of the room. There was no rope, no chain, however. I was just hanging, unable to move. Magic, I presumed.

"Who are you?" I asked. "Where do you come from?" I had to engage him in conversation, do something—anything—to put a pause in this torture.

My eyes were closed, but I could hear the amusement in his voice. "Who I am is of no concern to you," he replied. "Where I come from...well, let's just say my master has a vested interest in determining the magical strength of your kingdom."

"Your master?" I pressed. "Who is he?" I didn't expect him to tell me, and it wasn't even necessary, as it could be only one person (at least, as I figured it): Ancar. But if it kept him talking, I didn't care if he recited to me a recipe for pea soup.

He laughed, and I realized my respite was over. "Very clever, little mage. But you won't divert me from my task here." He held up my mp3 player, headphones still attached. "Now what is the purpose of this object? What magic does it facilitate?"

"None," I answered, and before he could lash out, I continued. "How did you get around the vrondi?" I was past caring what he thought of me, as I knew that nothing I said would convince him I was telling the truth. I was past caring about much at all, but still curious nonetheless.

"The what?"

It took me a moment to find the strength to speak. "The blue clouds with eyes."

"Ah," replied the thief, with a dawning realization, "so you admit that you are a mage after all!"

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. "I just know about magic, that's all."

"I'm sure," he replied. I thought for a moment that he was going to continue with the torture, but he put down the mp3 player and just walked around me. "Flighty little things, those _vrondi_, as you call them. And pesky. But if you know the proper spell, you can bring them under submission." He smiled at me, looking immensely pleased with himself. "And not even my master knows the proper spell. But I do. Only me. It enables me to name my price. Quite clever of me, don't you think?"

"I think you're insane."

The thief chuckled throatily. "No, my dear, not insane. Not at all."

It was unfortunate that his magic couldn't enable him to read thoughts. At least he'd see that I was telling the truth.

"I think you've had enough for now," he declared. "I have to pace you, you know. Wouldn't want you to expire before it's time." Without another word, he moved towards the door, and as soon as he had slammed it shut behind himself, the bonds that held me suspended in mid-air broke, and I crumpled to the ground with a moan. With the release of the bonds, however, I felt both my breath and my mental acuity return.

"Jaelle!"

I felt Treven gently cradle me in his arms, and I opened my eyes to see his face bent over mine, tears coursing down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, holding me close. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should never have doubted you. I should never have said those horrid things to you."

"I'm not a mage," I whispered, "but you were right. I'm not who you think I am, either."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

I told him.

Everything.

We sat silent for a long moment once I had finished. The talking had worn me out, and I could almost feel Treven thinking, processing all the information I had just dumped on him.

He finally stirred. "Althea knows all of this?"

I nodded against his chest. "She can confirm it all...well, as much of it as she can remember."

He didn't reply.

"I'm sorry, Treven," I whispered. "I was so foolish. I didn't think it mattered...we had found each other again, and I wasn't going home and—" I broke off, not wanting to continue, not wanting to tell him that there was something I valued more than him.

"And?" he prompted, waiting. I knew then that I didn't want to die without having been perfectly honest with my husband.

"And I didn't want to risk losing myself, who I was, my past," I confessed in a whisper.

There was another long moment before he spoke. "Telling me all of this means that you could lose it all?"

"Yes," I replied. "Rolan will wipe my memories, just as he did Lucia's."

His arms tightened around me, and when he spoke, his voice trembled with unshed tears. "You'd give up your whole life for me?"

"My past," I said, correcting him. "I'd give up my past. _You_ are my life."

Treven started to cry softly, and so did I. We held each other until we fell asleep.

The darkness of sleep gave way to a pure light, and the chiming of Companion hooves. Landon soon emerged to stand beside me, and I threw my arms around his neck.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

:_I know_,: he replied, nuzzling my hair. :_Jaelle, you must tell me where you are. You can't endure this torture much longer_.:

I looked down at my body, and was surprised to find it whole and healthy. I knew, however, it was only an illusion, that my real body was burned and broken. A sob caught in my throat, and I buried my face in his mane. "Just take me back with you now," I pleaded.

:_I can't_,: he said, and his mindvoice was anguished. :_It's not your time, yet. And there is still a chance to save you. You must cling to life, Jaelle. For Lucia, for Treven. But primarily for yourself_.:

"I don't want to!" I cried, and I couldn't hold back the tears. "I'm so tired, Landon."

:_I know you are_.: His voice was soothing now, and I felt wrapped in it, safe and secure. :_This thief won't stop until you're both dead. You must tell me where you are_.:

I pulled away from him, wiping my eyes on my tunic. "I don't know where we are. Some outdoor building, but I don't know where."

:_Dammit, that's not enough!_:

I could practically feel his frustration, and my own mirrored his. "Well, I don't think he's about to tell us where he took us!"

:_I'm sorry_,: Landon said, hanging his head and looking as forlorn as he had the day he'd come to request my help in setting to rights his mistake. He looked up at me. :_Is there anything you can tell me?_:

"Well," I began, "I don't know how much help this is, but he put a spell on the vrondi to keep them away. That was how he's been able to use magic here."

:_Jaelle, that's brilliant!_: cried Landon. :_If I were human, I'd kiss you!_:

I couldn't help but smile, even though I didn't understand. "How is that brilliant?"

:_I'll tell Gwena to have the Companions contact the vrondi, and search for the places where the vrondi can't go. __That's__ where you are—where the vrondi can't go!_: He pranced in place for a moment. :_I have to leave you. I have to find Gwena_.:

"Will you be allowed to do that?" I asked.

He snorted and tossed his head defiantly. :_I'd like to see them try to stop me!_: He then paced forward and touched his nose to my cheek. :_Don't give up, Jaelle. Promise me you won't give up. __This__ is how I am to help you. This is why I've been sent. Don't let it all be in vain._:

Sudden tears sprang to my eyes. "I promise."

:_Good. Sleep now. You need your rest_.: He pivoted on his back hooves and leapt into the light, which faded as soon as he had gone, drawing me into a most pleasant darkness.


	15. Chapter 15

Short and sweet! (or not...)

**Chapter Fifteen**

"I . . . don't . . . know," I repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time, closing my eyes against the sight of the articles from my past. My voice was hoarse from dehydration and screaming, but I knew I had to persevere, had to give Landon and Gwena the time they needed to find (and, hopefully) rescue us. My world, however, was a haze of pain and confusion that made conscious determination nearly impossible, and obliterated my sense of time. I didn't know how long it had been since I had last seen Landon—hours? Days? I could hardly breathe—there was a sharp pain in my side that made taking a deep breath impossible, and I had started coughing up blood that morning. Treven said I had broken ribs. At least, that's what I thought he said. I was in and out of consciousness so often, it was hard to know what was a dream, and what was reality.

I felt a hard sting on my face, and part of my mind registered the fact that the thief had just hit me. I heard Treven's voice—angry and loud—and the thief's sharp reply to him. The pain in my face, however, was nothing compared to my side, dangling as I was in mid-air.

Hearing no reply from Treven, I opened my eyes to see him slumped against the wall, unconscious. "What did you do to him?" I cried.

"He annoys me," the thief replied. "It didn't take me long to realize that he was of little value. I should have done away with him days ago."

_Oh, God, no._ Terror washed over my body, giving me new, unexpected strength. _Please don't let him be dead,_ I prayed. I blinked, trying to focus my vision on him, trying to determine if he was still breathing, but it was too dark in the room, and my eyes wouldn't cooperate. My heart started pounding, circulating liquid anger through my veins. "If I were a mage, don't you think I'd be fighting back," I snapped.

"You have no chance against me," sneered the thief.

"Then what kind of a threat am I—to you, or to Ancar?"

As if from a far distance, I heard myself say the name of Hardorn's heir, and part of my mind protested, wanted to call it back. It was only conjecture on my part, and to venture it and be wrong would only make things worse for me, I knew. But it was too late.

The flash of surprise on the face of the thief, however, confirmed my suspicions. He stepped back from me, as if recoiling from a blow. "How did you—?" He broke off and then stepped forward, anger deeply etched into his features. "You're no threat against me, but you may be against—" he faltered, as if unable to say the name, "my master, and it's my job to determine what this new kind of magic is you practice, and how many of you there are."

"You will _never_ find out," I snarled. It was pointless to try to convince him of the truth. He was determined to think me a mage, so fine. Let him think so. I knew he'd never let me out of this prison alive, and if Treven were dead—

—my heart lurched at the thought—

—what did it matter what he did to me? He would never get the answers he wanted, no matter how much he tortured me. If I were going to die, I was determined to die frustrating him to my final breath.

"We'll see about that," replied the thief, a deceptively soft tone to his voice, and one that told me something horrible was about to befall me.

I fixed the image of Treven in my mind, held to it with a tenacity that would have put a bulldog to shame.

I almost managed to keep from screaming when he pressed his hand into my side, burning my flesh, much the way it seemed Hulda had done to Talia—or, rather, _would_ do to her.

I understood Talia's desire to die. Understood it only too well. My prior moment's determination to fight, to hold on, suddenly drained away, and I felt my very soul collapsing. The edges of my vision darkened, and somehow, I knew. I wasn't just losing consciousness this time.

I was dying.

_I'm sorry, Landon. I'm so sorry. _I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't fight anymore. I would see him soon, I knew. I could explain it to him then. Perhaps he would be able to forgive me.

The image of Lucia's face was suddenly before my eyes, but even that wasn't enough to bind me to my body. My whole life—my choices, my relationships, my successes, and my failures—all flashed before my eyes.

But I was so tired, so weary. Tears sprang to my eyes, either from the physical, or emotional pain of it all. All I wanted was to rest.

There was a sudden, crashing sound, but before my mind could even register what it might be, sunlight flooded the small room, the burning ceased, and I heard a shrill, equine scream.

I blinked against the bright light, saw a Companion rear, and with another scream, bring its front hooves crashing into the thief before he could do more than gasp his surprise. The thief smashed into the back wall and the Companion leapt into the room, bringing its front hooves down on the thief's head with a sickening crack.

Barely a breath later, I felt myself crash to the ground, the impact knocking out whatever wind I had left in my lungs. The Companion was still dancing on the thief, pounding his remains into the dirt, and as the darkness closed in on me, I could see several other Companions standing outside the door.

Heralds poured inside, led by Alberich, whose face I saw bending over mine as the darkness claimed me.


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for all the reviews... on a personal note, I have to laugh a little regarding this chapter, as tomorrow is the feast day of Joan of Arc and the anniversary of her death. That was entirely not intentional.

**Chapter Sixteen**

The world around me was bright—brighter than I had thought possible, and there was a profound sense of peace that permeated the very atmosphere, leaving me no choice but to breathe it in, which I did with a sigh of relief.

There was no pain, no fear. In fact, there was nothing. Quite literally, nothing. I looked about myself and saw only light. Wasn't I dead?

A nicker sounded in front of me, and I looked up to see a pair of sapphire eyes and a set of silver hooves before me. The rest of Landon blended into the light, but I put my arms out all the same and found his warm neck and silky mane waiting for me.

"I'm sorry, Landon," I whispered. "I'm sorry I failed you."

:_You didn't fail me_,: he replied. _:You're not dead.:_

"I didn't think this was heaven," I remarked, drawing back and looking around. "So if I'm not dead, and I'm not awake, where am I?"

:_You're in between death and life,_: he answered. :_Where you go from here is your choice.:_

"And Treven?" I asked.

_:It's not for me to say,_: and his blue eyes looked sad. :_You have to make your choice with only the information you had when you came here.:_

"I'm so tired, Landon," I confessed. "But—"

_:But what?_: he prompted. _:Eternal rest awaits you if you'd like.:_

"But I don't want to leave Treven alone if he's there, waiting for me," I replied. "And Lucia..." I trailed off, thinking of my daughter. "I'm her mother. I'm responsible for her. I can't just give up. But I'm so tired. And if Treven isn't there, and I lose my memories anyways—" A sense of futility swept over me, warring with the peace in the air. "I don't know what to do."

I felt his velvety nose caress my cheek. :_You can stay here for as long as you like,_: he said. _:Time doesn't exist here, so it really doesn't matter. You can decide later._:

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I held him close for what could have been a heartbeat, or a thousand years. And then I made my choice.

////////--------///////

I opened my eyes to bright sunlight, and a view of the same ceiling I'd seen after the thief had attacked me.

Healers.

I took in a careful breath, filling my lungs slowly. The expansion of my ribs was nearly painless, however, which either meant that the Healers had speed-Healed me, or I had been out for quite some time.

Perhaps it was both, I mused, remembering Landon. I looked out of the window, noting the leaves in their fall colors. Some had fallen from the trees, but there were still plenty holding on to their branches. I couldn't have been out too long, I reasoned, as autumn was already in full swing when I moved to Haven.

I pulled the covers down and saw that I was wrapped in bandages from my armpits to my waist. My arms and legs were bandaged in various locations, and, curious, I lifted one of the delicate bandages to observe raw, blistered skin.

_Of course_, I thought. _The burns._ And as if that were a signal of some sort, my skin started to throb.

I pushed myself up carefully in bed, and threw off the sheets. There was absolutely no point in staying in bed. I didn't have a fever, and I was desperate to learn of Treven's fate. Swinging my legs over the edge, I slowly sat up, and then stood, holding the bedpost for support as a wave of dizziness washed over me. It soon passed, however, and I made my way to the door. Opening it, I stepped out into the hallway and looked down the corridor. Various Healers and trainees were coming and going, from room to room, but they had not yet noticed me. The sight of a slight form among them made my heart jump.

_Lucia!_

She stopped suddenly, glancing down the hall towards me, and let out a cry.

"Mama! You're awake!" With that, she dropped her books and dashed in my direction, pushing aside anyone in her way. I thought she might throw herself into my arms, but her training prevented her. All the same, I knelt and gathered her into an embrace. "I Felt you, and there you were!" she cried, and then burst into tears.

"Shhh," I soothed. "I'm right here, and I'm fine. It's alright."

"It's been almost two weeks," she sobbed, "and you weren't waking up." Her hold about my neck tightened. "I didn't think you were ever going to wake up!" She suddenly pulled away, her tears forgotten in an instant. "I have to go tell Papa!" And before I could say a word, she had sprinted down the corridor and out a door.

I could only stare after her, uncertain that I had heard her correctly. Did she say Treven was alive? I felt dizzy at the very thought.

A robe of green appeared in my line of sight, and I looked up to see Deven gazing at me with a mixture of relief, amusement, and concern. He held out his hand and helped me stand. "I suppose you think you're going to go back to your suites and start working again."

"Could I?" I asked teasingly.

Devan just looked at me.

I was almost back in bed when I heard a shout coming from the other end of the corridor. Devan left me standing by the bed and bolted for the door. His muscles relaxed, though, and he stepped out of the room, standing aside with an amused expression as the sound of footfalls grew louder.

And then, he was there. Standing in front of me.

I felt a rush, like a draining feeling, and the next thing I knew, his arms were around me, holding me up.

"Take it easy," he said. "I've got you."

I blinked away the spots in front of my eyes until they focused on his face.

"Treven?" I whispered, scarcely believing it.

"Yes," he replied shortly, and then his mouth was on mine, and I nearly fainted again for want of breathing.

He pulled away and gazed into my eyes intently. "I didn't think you were coming back."

I blinked away tears. "I almost didn't," I confessed in a whisper. "I didn't know if you would be here and—"

"Shhh," he whispered, drawing me close, and helping me back into bed. "I _am_ here, and I'm fine." He sat on the edge of the bed and took my hands in his. "And _we_ are going to be fine."

"But Rolan—" I began hesitantly.

Treven looked around, but we were alone. He fixed his gaze on me once more. "Rolan isn't here," he said in a low voice, "and according to Althea, nothing can be done until he gets back. We're not to speak of anything, of what we saw, of ma—m—m—dammit, I can't even say the word!"

"Althea!" I cried, forgetting all else in the sound of her name. "How is she?"

Treven nodded. "She's well. I think trampling that thief into the ground went a long way towards helping her." He paused for a moment, sighing. "She wants you to know how sorry she is for how she treated you."

"She told you?" I asked, incredulously. At Treven's nod, I glanced down at the coverlet. "I'm afraid of her, Treven," I whispered. "I've never seen her like that before."

Treven was silent for so long that I had to look up to see if he had even heard me. He had, as evidenced by the emotions playing across his face. "I've never been so angry with her as I—" He broke off, groping for the words. "I didn't think I _could_ get that angry with her. She had _no_ right to treat you that way, or to say those things, no matter what had happened to me." He reached out and brushed a hair from my face. "But please believe me when I tell you that you have nothing to fear from her. She is herself again, and she is truly contrite, and knows that you would be justified if you cast her off forever. A Companion can't lie mind-to-mind to her Herald, and I know she's telling the truth."

Before I could respond, there was a soft knock at the door. I looked up to see Alberich standing there, and I smiled.

"Intruding, am I?" he asked.

"No, not at all," Treven replied, rising from the bed, and drawing up a chair for the Weaponsmaster.

As Alberich entered the room, I could see he held a small, lumpy sack in his hands. Closing the door behind himself, he came over and sat down, placing the sack on the bed next to me.

"Your things the thief took," he said.

Treven and I exchanged a look, and I asked, hesitantly, "Did you—I mean—"

Alberich shook his head. "Advised against it, my Companion did. I thought it prudent to take his advice. Only to pick them up did I see these things." And Alberich told us he had just come from a meeting of the Circle in which it was officially determined that the thief's motive for his actions was revenge. "Unfortunate, it was," he said, "that we could not question him further under the Truth Spell. But one does not come between a Companion and her prey." A faint, almost apologetic smile crossed his face.

"It's all right, Master Alberich," Treven replied. "He's dead, and his motive is unimportant now."

I breathed a silent sigh of relief to know that only the Companions, Treven, and I knew the truth of who the thief really was.

"Also," Alberich added, "be at peace and know that only I, among the Circle, am aware of _these_." And he patted the bag. "Fortunate it is, all eyes were on the two of you, and not on the floor, else much explaining you would do."

I felt a wave of relief break over me at his news, but I was, conversely, concerned at what Treven had said, that nothing would be done until Rolan returned. Gwena was Groveborn, and she had made it very clear that the second this was all over, my memories would be wiped as clean as a slate. I was surprised to find that she hadn't done it while I was unconscious. What was the matter? Why was she hesitating?

"Thank you," I said to him.

With a curt nod, he rose and left us alone, closing the door behind himself once more.

I drew the sack towards me and opened it, taking out the items. Those that couldn't be burnt, I put back in the sack, handing it to Treven. "Please—take this, as far outside of Haven as you can ride today, and bury it in a deep hole someplace where no one has been, and where no one will find it ever again." I couldn't even begin to name all the emotions warring inside of me. Tears filled my eyes and spilled onto my cheeks.

Treven brushed them away, and then leaned over to kiss me. "Althea and I will leave right away. Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I will," I promised, returning his kiss. He exited my room, and once he was gone, I rose on shaky legs, and shut the door, and then returned to my bed to get the items that lay on it: some sacred texts, the Joan of Arc book, and Stefan's journal. Cradling them in my arms, I moved over to the fire crackling on the hearth, and knelt.

Carefully, I laid Joan's book on the flames and watched with tears in my eyes as the pages curled in the heat and then caught on fire. Still, the irony of the book's destruction did not escape me: it died in the same manner as its namesake; and I couldn't hold back a sad smile.

But I didn't want to see her burn. I resolutely looked away, pouring over my sacred texts and Stefan's journal instead. I re-read the entry about Landon, and the words that had always brought me comfort and hope. All-too-soon, it was time to say goodbye to them as well.

Once Joan was reduced to ashes, I placed the other books on the flames with trembling hands, and turned away. I crawled back into bed and pulled the sheet and coverlet over my head. I didn't want to see. I didn't want to hear. And I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Just as I felt sleep pull me under, I thought I could sense a comforting, soothing presence surrounding me, and my dreams were filled with sapphire and silver.


	17. Chapter 17

Thank you for all the reviews!!

**Chapter Seventeen**

I was unable to seek the answers to my questions regarding Gwena until I was released from Healers the following week. Devan had added his Healing touch to mother nature, and my ribs were as good as new, and the bandages had come off my burns. My skin was permanently scarred in those places where the thief had touched me with his mage-fire, but, the vain part of me noted, most of those places were underneath my clothing, especially since this society knew nothing of shorts or tank-tops. The only one who would see them, other than the Healers, of course, was Treven, and I blushed at his assurances that he didn't mind in the least, any more than I minded his burn scar.

It was a beautiful late autumn day when I left my suites to track down Gwena. On my way to the Field, however, my eye caught the Salle, and I decided to make a slight detour. As I drew close, I could hear the clashing of wood on wood, and politely waited outside until the lesson had finished.

Once the trainees had filed out, I slipped inside. Alberich was nowhere to be seen, so I took advantage of the time to do a little mirror-gazing. Aside from the Palace and perhaps some nobles' houses, the only quality mirrors were here in the Salle, and it was a long time since I'd stood in front of a glass mirror and just _looked_ at myself.

I was, perhaps, a little too thin. We were working on that, however, and with the advent of winter, I wouldn't be running around as much, and could gain what I had lost over the past weeks to being in Healers.

Pushing up the arms of my tunic, I examined my scars with a sigh. Treven may not mind them, but I did. They weren't _necessary_. I could be—well, not _happy_, but at least, accepting of them had they not come about from my own stupidity and selfishness.

"Become you, they do," came a quiet voice.

Startled, I glanced up into the mirror to see Alberich standing only a few paces behind me. I hadn't even heard him approach. Turning, I shook my head. "I don't think so."

"Scars bespeak one's character," he replied.

"Then I should name this one 'selfish,' and this one, 'pride,'" I returned, letting the sleeves of my tunic fall about my wrists once more.

Alberich raised an eyebrow in evident reproval. "Selfishness it was, then, that led you to give up your past life for your beloved?"

"How did—you—" I could only stare at the Weaponsmaster in astonishment. While I had told him of my past, I had told him nothing of the thief's association with magic, nothing of Rolan's instructions to me, or of my bargain with Gwena.

"More there is to the thief, I think, than appears," he replied, "and strange, is it not, that everything he took of yours was from the past? More strange as well is that no one in the Circle but I remembers that Althea lost her Chosen."

"They—" I began, but then stopped, considering. He was right, I realized. No one spoke of Althea's and Treven's lapse in contact. Even Selenay, when she came to visit me in Healers, never mentioned it, in spite of it having bothered her so much before that she had her Heralds looking through old chronicles for answers. It was as though it never happened. Which meant that the Companions _had_ taken action of some sort to erase their Chosen's minds.

So why hadn't they done anything about _me?_ And why was Alberich the only one unaffected?

I suddenly remembered that he was still waiting for an answer. The thought of lying to Alberich did not even cross my mind. "I cannot speak of it," I said softly.

"I thought not," he replied. "And with your beloved, all is well?"

I nodded. "Yes. He knows everything."

He stepped forward and took my hand, pushing back my sleeve. "Selfishness, is it?" His tone was heavy with disbelief.

"I am not such a saint, Master Alberich," I replied, my cheeks warming. Glancing down, I spoke softly. "They're gone—all the things that would give me away." I felt a stubborn lump in my throat. "Those that could not be burned, Treven buried far away from Haven." Tears filled my eyes, and I brushed them away with an apologetic smile.

"Are they?" replied Alberich, and from behind his back, he pulled an object, which he laid in the palm of my hand.

Marin's dagger.

With a cry, I grasped it with both hands, alternately staring at it and then Alberich and then the dagger once more.

"Where—how—" I couldn't even speak coherently, but my message must have come across, because the shadow of a smile crossed Alberich's face.

"In your suites it was—taken not, I expect, because strange, it is not. Not like the other things," he explained.

In all the chaos, I had totally forgotten about Marin's dagger. Now that I had it with me, I didn't want to let it go. "Do I have to destroy it?"

"Why?" he asked. "From your past, yes, but from this world as well. Forget, do you, that dagger I made?"

I just stared at him, speechless.

"Now, a gift to you from me, it is."

In wordless thanks, I threw myself into his arms. He permitted the contact for a moment, but then disengaged himself from my embrace.

"Did you this often, in the other world?" he asked.

Blushing, I could only laugh. "I'm sorry."

"Too old, I am, to have younglings throwing themselves at me," he said, although the sternness in his voice did not match the amusement in his eyes. "Retire soon, I think I must."

Looking up at him, I remembered from the books that he did retire from all but the most advanced students while Talia was on her internship. He lived on in the books, one of my favorite characters, caught, as so many fictional characters were, in that never-ending pause of time that characterizes the ends of books. But now, living here in the reality, I knew that I would most likely come to see what no one on Earth would ever know, unless more books were written: his death. Not for years to come, of course, and not until the Storms had passed. But come it would, and there was no end of a book to prevent it.

"And what do your scars say of you?" I asked.

He didn't reply, but the smile in his eyes now reached his lips, becoming enigmatical.

I left the Salle, the dagger comfortably on my hip, and continued on my way towards the Field. My heart thudded with nervousness and anticipation. I hadn't been in the Field, or spoken to any Companion since I had been taken by the thief. And for all that Treven had assured me that Althea wasn't going to trample me by surprise, I still felt a healthy sense of trepidation as I approached the fence.

I stopped as I reached the wooden boards, watching the movements of the white dots against the colors of autumn. Was I crazy, seeking out Gwena for answers? Shouldn't I be happy that my mind was intact and free from her meddling? Certainly, she hadn't forgotten about our bargain. Why she wasn't cashing in on it, though, I didn't understand.

_I should just leave well enough alone_.

No doubt, that was true, but I had made a bargain, and I would not have it said that I tried to shy from it. As though I could ever escape from a Companion set on tracking me down. The truth was, if Gwena had really wanted to wipe my mind, she would have done so, or at least made it clear that she intended to do so at a certain time. But she hadn't said _anything_. _No one_ had said anything. My going to the Field to find out why wasn't going to change that.

Still...

With a deep breath, I ducked between the rails and started across the Field. I hadn't gone more than a hundred paces or so when a Companion trotted over to me. It was a stallion, and he nudged me with his nose.

I surveyed him critically. "Kantor?" I hazarded, as there was no other stallion in the herd who would be so familiar with me, except for Rolan.

He nodded, and then wheeled about trotting a few paces before stopping to look over his shoulder at me.

"Okay, I understand," I called to him. "I'll follow you."

He led me through the Field to a private copse of trees. It wasn't the Grove, but it was fairly secluded. There was another Companion waiting there, a mare, but it wasn't Gwena.

"Althea?" I whispered.

_:Yes.:_

"What's going on?" I asked. "Why all this secrecy?" I felt a brief moment of sheer panic. I wanted Treven, but he was teaching a class. I looked wildly about, prepared to bolt before my common sense kicked in. I couldn't outrun a horse, much less a Companion.

:_Jaelle,_: she said, cutting into my whirling thoughts, _:I'm not going to hurt you. Please, calm down.:_

Kantor paced forward a bit, placing himself ever-so-slightly between me and Althea. It was more, I sensed, for my peace of mind than for my protection.

"Where is Gwena?" I asked. "Why hasn't she taken my memories?" I looked at Kantor. "For that matter, why haven't you taken Alberich's? Why does he remember things no one else does?"

:_He doesn't,_: Althea replied. :_Not anymore anyways. Since he had the dagger, he had to keep his memories until he gave it back to you. Now that he has, he is no different than the others._:

I looked from one to the other. "You mean, he doesn't remember anything I've told him?"

_:No,_: replied Althea.

"But when he sees the dagger," I protested, "won't it just start the whole cycle all over again?"

Kantor shook his head.

"How?" I asked. "Don't tell me I have to bury this!"

_:Alberich believes that he gave you that dagger as a gift for the birth of your child,_: Althea said.

I absently placed my hand on my abdomen. _The child that never was_. "Why would he do that?" I asked. "Did he forget that he made this for Marin?"

_:No,_: said Althea. :_Alberich believes that you and he have a special relationship. Which you do. Or did. He also thinks that he made two daggers.:_

"And what about Gwena?" I asked. "She was pretty adamant that I would lose my memories as soon as this was over. What's going on?"

There was a hint of smugness in Althea's mindvoice. :_Gwena contacted Rolan and he ordered her to do nothing to you or Treven, saying that he would take care of it when he returned._: The smugness deepened. :_She's not happy, and she's certainly not going out of her way to let you know that she's been forbidden to touch your mind._:

"Oh." I wasn't sure what to say to that. Why would Rolan forbid it? "Did Rolan say anything else?"

Althea nodded. :_When she protested, he told her that he trusted you for your silence.:_

I couldn't help but smile. "I bet that made her happy."

_:You have no idea.:_

"And Treven?"

_:With the vrondi back in place, he can't speak of magic anyway, but we had a long talk, and he won't be talking of it, even if he could.:_

"And when Rolan comes back?" I asked.

:_I don't know,_: she replied:_but I expect that all will be put to rights again, just to be safe_.:

"And in the interim?"

_:Life goes on_,: she replied. :_Selenay has already signed an order giving Treven several months of leave. We're going to visit his family until spring.:_

That took me a little by surprise, but then I remembered from the books that Dirk had been given several months of leave after what's-her-name had broken his heart. I guess we'd earned a holiday as well.

_:Perhaps_,: Althea continued, hesitantly:_perhaps we could become friends again while we are there.:_

"Perhaps," I conceded. I wanted to be friends again. It was too bad Gwena couldn't wipe my memories, because I could have happily forgotten that scene with Althea. But I didn't want to think of it right now. "So how did you find us anyway?" I asked. "Landon said he was going to contact you."

:_He did_,: Althea said, her tone amused once more:_He showed up in the Grove, right under Gwena's nose. I wish you could have seen it—scared her half to death. That's one more reason she has no interest in talking to you. Landon gave her a piece of his mind about a lot of things, including her treatment of you._:

But I was still focused on her first words. "He appeared?" I cried. "For real?"

:_Only as a spirit, but yes_,: she replied. :_It was good to see him again._:

"I only get to see him in my dreams sometimes," I said. The warning bell for supper rang out then, and I turned to go.

:_Treven is looking for you,_: Althea said. :_I told him where you were. He's headed this way.:_

"Thank you," I replied, and with a nod to Kantor, I started back across the Field to meet my husband.


	18. Chapter 18

Finally...it's complete! I can't believe it! I have to say, I had a lot more fun with _Worlds Collide_ than I did with this one (and I think WC is just a better story), but I'm glad I did it, and even more glad that I finished it. I have to say, though (as pathetic as it is), I don't think I cried writing WC, but I cried all the way through this chapter.

I changed my screen name for reasons stated in my profile.

**Chapter Eighteen**

Eighteen months goes by pretty quickly, sooner than I had anticipated. The time with Treven's family was wonderful, and they were all as nice I had remembered them to be. When we returned to Haven in early spring, Treven resumed his circuit duties, and I returned to work at the inn. Lucia turned eleven, and started adding one or two academic classes to her Gifts and weaponswork training, so I made day trips to the inn when she had class until late afternoon. As predicted in the books, Alberich did retire from teaching all but the advanced students, and I felt quite humbled that he continued to teach me as well. Spring soon turned into summer.

And I found out I was pregnant. Not being Earth, there was no EPT test, so I was nearly three months along before the Healers confirmed it. Treven was out on a particularly long circuit, so I was starting to show by the time he returned. I hadn't wanted to inform him by letter.

The trees shed their leaves and before I knew it, were budding again. I was as big as a house, and had given up my work at the inn during this final month of pregnancy. Treven's mother had come to stay with me, and Treven had worked his circuit duty so that he would be home for the final two weeks of my pregnancy. He had just returned, and we were so consumed with getting ready for the baby that it didn't even phase me when Lucia came back from class one afternoon to announce that the Queen's Own was back from her internship.

It wasn't until I looked up at Treven after not receiving an answer to a question, and seeing a stricken look on his face, that my mind actually registered my daughter's words.

Rolan was back.

I felt suddenly ill. Every nerve was afire, waiting to hear his voice in my mind, telling me he wished to see me, or to hear Althea relaying his order.

But nothing happened that day.

I could not bear the suspense. And after everything we'd been through, I had too much respect for Rolan to play games. The following morning after breakfast, I excused myself from the company of my mother-in-law on the pretense of an errand, and slipped outside. The stables were quite close to the Heralds' wing of the Palace, but Rolan wasn't there.

I entered the Field (via the gate this time) and started walking. I intended to find the first Companion I saw and have them bring me to Rolan. It didn't take long to find a shining form amongst all the new greenery. And I didn't even have to say anything. The Companion turned and started walking towards the Grove.

Half the herd must have been there, and from the snorts and whinnies I heard when I pushed through the trees, I doubted that they were expecting me to show up. Rolan was standing in the midst of them, and the sea of white parted, as it were, to allow him to pace, unobstructed, towards me.

_:Hello, child.:_

I couldn't help but smile a bit, even though my voice was only a whisper. "Hello, Rolan." I reached out and touched his velvety nose. "I am glad you returned safely. I knew—" I broke off, for it was unnecessary to complete the thought. He was well aware that I'd known what was going to happen on Talia's internship. I turned to the other Companions. "Would you excuse us, please?" If I were going to lose most of my life, I didn't want an audience.

One by one, the other Companions turned and left. As they passed by me, I heard whispered apologies from some of them who told me they'd "tried." It wasn't hard to guess what they meant. I appreciated the gesture.

I was surprised to find Althea absent from the group. But then, Treven had left our suites before breakfast. He was even more upset than I was over what was to come. We had spent the past eighteen months as ourselves, as who we really were, and used that time to learn of each other in ways we hadn't been able to before. I didn't want to lose that any more than he did.

All but one Companion had left. A mare.

Gwena.

"Your presence is not required here," I said to her, taking full advantage of my final opportunity to speak to her knowing who she really was.

She snorted, tossing her head. Rolan turned to look at her, and a moment later, she wheeled about, and, in human terms, stomped off.

I just shook my head and turned to Rolan. "Okay, I have to ask—what were you people _thinking_ when you brought her into existence?"

:_She is young_,: he stated, but his tone was flavored with amusement.

Being almost nine months pregnant was no picnic. My back was hurting, and the baby must have turned, because it felt like he—or she—was pressing all the wind out of my lungs. I found a stump and seated myself.

I took a good look at the Monarch's Own Companion. He looked as though he'd lost as much weight in his ordeal as I had in mine.

"I'm sorry, Rolan," I said. "Before we get down to business, I just wanted you to know that. I never meant to abuse the trust you placed in me."

:_You did not abuse my trust,_: he said. _:You did not tell what is to come, not even regarding my Chosen.:_

"But I should have destroyed all of my things before I moved to Haven," I replied. "None of this would have happened if I had."

_:My Chosen should have been better trained in her Gifts,_: he countered. _:None of our ordeal would have happened if she had been. But,_: he added:_she would not have learned important lessons had she not faced such difficulty.:_

I reflected on his words. Had I destroyed everything, the thief-mage wouldn't have noticed my things, and taken me for a mage, and attacked me in the market place. Perhaps the thief might have succeeded in his mission. My baby would be almost two years old. But Treven would have remained in the dark as to who I really was. And we would never have had the past eighteen months.

But was it worth it? The loss of our baby for the closeness we now had in our relationship? If I had to do it over, would I take the same path?

"I don't know how to make those kinds of choices," I confessed.

:_I know,_: came his simple reply, and with it a mixed sense of amusement and pride. _:You are only mortal, child. What do you expect? To have the wisdom of the gods?:_

I supposed that was exactly what I had been expecting. I looked up at Rolan in sudden realization. "You knew all along that I wouldn't be able to do this, didn't you?"

_:Yes.:_

"Then why risk it?" I asked. "Why set the whole future on the balance of my weakness?"

_:Because you needed to see your inability for yourself,_: he replied. _:You would not have believed me if I had merely told you.:_

I glanced away, knowing he was right. Until a few moments ago, I thought I could handle it all. And then I remembered Althea, and the other Companions who had argued on my behalf, and mentioned them to Rolan. "Was it all just a game to them? To humor me?"

He shook his head. _:They were quite sincere. They are also as mortal as you are.:_

We sat in silence for a few moments, but I knew it couldn't last. Rolan was going to have to do what he was here to do. "What about Treven? I don't know where he is."

_:Althea is bringing him here.:_

I nodded, but was uncertain as to our procedure. "Do we wait?" I asked.

_:Yes.:_

"I wish I could say goodbye to Landon," I sighed, it suddenly hitting me that I would never see him again. But he hadn't visited my dreams since I had been prisoner. I supposed that now that things were over, he went back. I didn't need him anymore, and he had accomplished what he had come for. That was that.

:_Or not_,: came a voice from behind me. I turned to see an ethereal shimmer before me, translucent and Companion-shaped. _:It's __not__ goodbye,_: Landon said. :_Not forever anyways._:

"You're here," I whispered. "You're really here? It's not a dream?"

_:It's not a dream_,: he replied.

I couldn't believe it. He was here and real and— I turned to Rolan. "Could I—could we have a few moments?"

:_Of course,_: he said, wheeling about and trotting away.

I turned back to Landon.

:_We were right,_: Landon said, falling into our customary conversational mode. :_That thief was working for Ancar, magically spying out the capital to determine its weaknesses._:

"And I just happened to get caught in the middle," I said.

:_Unfortunately, yes,_: replied Landon. :_He saw your things, thought you were some kind of new mage, deemed you a threat, and tried to kill you. More than once.:_

"But Ancar's plan didn't work," I replied. "The thief is dead, and I'm sure it didn't take Ancar long to realize his mage wasn't coming back with the information he wanted."

:_No, it didn't. And since the thief was the only one who knew how to banish the vrondi, Ancar will have to take a different tactic to take over Valdemar. He can't risk sending someone who might be caught.:_

"He's already taken it," I whispered. "He's gotten his father to make an offer of marriage to Elspeth." It had been the talk of the Collegium for weeks now. In fact, if the books were accurate, Talia was in Council meeting at that very moment, vetoing the measure. And the images from the books—Kris dead, Talia nearly so—jumped into my mind with such clarity, I had to close my eyes against them. "I can't tell them, can I?"

_:No,_: replied Landon, his mindvoice hushed with sadness.

"Then this is all for the best," I replied. "I thought I could live with this knowledge and stay silent, but I can't." I looked up at him, fighting to keep my voice steady. "And I don't know how I'm going to be able to live without you."

_:We make a pretty good team, don't we?:_

"You're my best friend," I said, and losing my composure, I burst into tears.

He stepped towards me. _:Don't cry, Jaelle. I won't really be gone. Even after you forget me, I'll still be in your heart.:_

"I don't _want _to forget you!"

_:I know,_: he said soothingly, and I felt a velvety nose on my face. I glanced up through my tears to see him whole and solid. Without hesitation, I threw my arms around his neck and wept into his mane, just as I had in my dreams and Before. _:I would have Chosen you, you know, if I could have,_: he said, echoing the last time we parted. _:You would have made a damn fine Herald.:_

But I couldn't smile this time, and even _his _voice was unsteady.

_:Maybe in another life,_: he suggested wistfully. _:You'd be surprised at how quickly they pass.:_

"But you told me Before that the only Chosen you were meant to have was Vanyel," I pointed out.

:_Perhaps,_: he said, though his mindvoice was doubtful. _:Perhaps as Yfandes, that is true. But things change when you're dead. After all, I'm __here__, aren't I?:_

But he wasn't. He was starting to fade, his solidity disintegrating.

"Please don't go," I begged, but he was fading quickly.

_:It won't be long, even if you live to be a hundred.:_

"Landon—" I could hardly see him now, and my tears blurred whatever was left of him.

_:Goodbye, Jaelle._: His voice was dim. _:I love you.:_

"I love you, too," I whispered. "Don't forget me."

And then, he was gone.

A rustling in the trees made me glance up to see Althea and Treven walking towards me, with Rolan behind them. There was a strange, dazed look on Treven's face that he didn't shake off until he noticed me kneeling in the grass.

"Jaelle?" The dazed look turned to one of concern. "Are you all right? You've been crying."

Mutely, I shook my head and held out my arms to him, tears falling. As he came to my side, I glanced questioningly at Althea and Rolan, and the solemn nod I received from Althea confirmed my suspicions: Treven's memories had been altered.

:_I'm sorry, Jaelle,_: came Althea's voice in my mind, heavy with sadness and regret.

_I know_, I thought, and then realized that hers would be the last voice I would ever hear in my mind. With things going back to 'normal,' there probably would be no need for her to talk to me anymore. I was glad that we had become friends again while at Treven's home. Even if I couldn't remember it, she would, and I was glad I wouldn't have to leave her with a rift still between us.

I buried my face in Treven's chest, like a child who didn't want to see the scary part of a movie. Scenes from my life flashed through my mind: my parents, childhood friends, school, work, Romania, the other Valdemar and all those who were no longer.

Landon.

The book covers flashed and stayed. _They really are beautiful_, I thought, as I felt a strange, overwhelming presence in my mind. Instinctively, I fought against it, before I even realized who it was. And when I did, I let go, let it carry me away into a peaceful darkness I never wanted to end.

I woke in Healers, to see Treven bending over me, a worried look on his face.

"What happened?" I asked groggily.

"You fainted," he replied, turning as Devan came into the room. "She's awake."

Devan came to stand beside the bed. "How are you feeling?"

I took brief stock of myself. "A little disoriented," I replied. "Something just . . . doesn't feel right." I couldn't put my finger on it. Something was wrong—missing—like the feeling of forgetting where you'd just last seen something you were looking for.

"I'm not surprised," Devan said with a grin. "Your labor has started."

"What?" Treven and I both cried, and the sense of displacement was shoved to the back of my mind in light of this little piece of news.

He laughed. "What did you think those back pains were?"

"The same pains I've been feeling for the past two months!" I stated.

"The baby's coming?" asked Treven, dazed.

"Not for awhile," Devan said. "But if you feel up to it, you can get up and walk around a bit. It'll help."

Just before dawn the following day, our son was born. They took him away to clean him up before wrapping him and bringing him back to me. Lucia, poor thing, had worked all night with the Healers, and had dropped off in a corner just after the baby was born.

"Well," Treven said, as we both tried to stifle yawns, "what shall we call him? We never did get around to picking out a boy's name."

"Landon," I said firmly without thinking, glancing down at the bundle in my arms. "His name is Landon."

"Landon?" Treven asked. "Is that a family name?"

"I—" I thought for a moment, tried to remember. And then it came to me. "He was my friend. My best friend—back in Berrybay." I looked up at Treven with some dismay. "I can't believe I had to stop and think about that."

"You've just been through labor," he told me with a smile. "I'm surprised you remember who _I_ am." He looked back down at our baby. "Landon," he mused. "Wasn't he the one you used to get into all that trouble with? Roaming about, sticking your noses into everything?"

I nodded, and couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"Well, Landon," whispered Treven, taking one of our son's hands in his fingers, "it will be interesting to see whether you live up to your name." He then leaned over and, brushing my hair from my face, kissed my forehead. "It's a good name."

"Yes," I murmured, closing my eyes as the weariness of the past hours finally caught up with me. "It's a very good name."

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Thank you all for your reviews!! And, especially, thank you all for your patience with me. There were some pretty big gaps in time between some of these chapters.

To answer a question asked in a comment some time back (I wasn't ignoring it):

ShianeCollins: I previously established that Jaelle was part of this world, in that she is the reason it took Rolan so long to Choose Talia. He was busy Gating her to Berrybay and had to go clear to the other side of the kingdom. But even if not, they couldn't go back to her world for various other reasons. Lucia needs training for her Gifts. And with Althea being a Companion and Treven being a Herald, they could never leave their world. Althea is tied to the god/goddess who sent her, and a Herald's sense of duty takes second place to nothing. Which, as I type, gets me thinking...if Jaelle HAD to go back to her world, Treven couldn't follow (ooh, that would be an interesting turn of events...). In AFl, the implication is strongly made by Keren (using Teren as proof) that when it comes to permanent romantic unions, for a Herald, it's either a lifebond, or nothing, and for anything less, Heraldic duty will eventually trump romance. Which makes things interesting in the later books, given Elspeth/Darkwind and Kero/Eldan, as neither pair is lifebonded. But Misty changed several things as she went along, so it's not surprising that changed as well. And I'm way off track here...


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